I am starting a photoblog where I will document the street life, subways, and urban decay of nyc. It will give me an opportunity to see and capture vivid little slices of this wonderful city and be a springboard to my photojournalism career. I can't wait myself!
Soon...
JC
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Conversation
God and I in space alone
and nobody else in view.
"And where are the people, O Lord," I said,
"the earth below and the sky o'er head
and the dead whom once I knew?"
"That was a dream," God smiled and said,
"A dream that seemed to be true.
There were no people, living or dead,
there was no earth, and no sky o'er head;
there was only Myself -- in you."
"Why do I feel no fear," I asked,
"meeting You here this way?
For I have sinned I know full well--
and is there heaven, and is there hell,
and is this the Judgment Day?"
"Nay, those were but dreams,"
the Great God said,
"Dreams that have ceased to be.
There are no such things as fear or sin;
there is no you -- you never have been--
there is nothing at all
but Me."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
We constantly keep working on our souls, the cars, the money, the women. We fight each other and kill one another and it just hurts so much afterwards and we can't figure out why. But we are one, we are all one being. Just a wave of desire to exist.
If we really are separate from each other, why aren't all people born the same? Some born short, blind, why aren't all women born models? Why aren't all men born tall? It's an optical illusion therefore, and we all brought into it. My spiritual guru put it this way, loneliness is an illusion, and the only way to realize that is through meditation. I haven't found out myself because I haven't meditated on a regular basis, but you eventually start to realize, all those things you see are not really you, there is nothing permanent, and you are nothing but momentum; of cause and effect.
When you die, your body goes back to the earth, to the soil, you are a part of the universe and everybody is too.
There is no heaven, there is no hell. Those are illusions. What happens to your consciousness when you die? I don't know, I haven't found enough experience to find that out for myself yet.
What happens to the physical part of you when you die, gives us some clues. You can examine it through science and forensic tools, but why do we completely deny the ancients? Do we think just because we are here and they are not, that we are really smarter than them? Are we really open minded then?
Eugene said that when you die, your desire to exist makes you reborn, and so is your karma, your habits and your way of thinking.
Theres not really a significant need if you change your thought patterns and open up your mind that all this, this self improvement, this desire to be with a women, in the long run does NOT define you at all. Therefore, it should not consume you whole and keeping thinking that you aren't happy.
I was defensive towards spirituality in the beginning and this is the first time I blogged about it openly. I took a little chance, I opened my mind. Does that mean I'll become a monk now? Does that mean I'll stop my self improvement now?
No, that's ridiculous. Is Richard Gere a monk? Are all Muslims fanatics?
People can close their mind and call it hogwash, but why let people tell you that your favorite car wax sucks?
It works for you doesn't it?
and nobody else in view.
"And where are the people, O Lord," I said,
"the earth below and the sky o'er head
and the dead whom once I knew?"
"That was a dream," God smiled and said,
"A dream that seemed to be true.
There were no people, living or dead,
there was no earth, and no sky o'er head;
there was only Myself -- in you."
"Why do I feel no fear," I asked,
"meeting You here this way?
For I have sinned I know full well--
and is there heaven, and is there hell,
and is this the Judgment Day?"
"Nay, those were but dreams,"
the Great God said,
"Dreams that have ceased to be.
There are no such things as fear or sin;
there is no you -- you never have been--
there is nothing at all
but Me."
-Ella Wheeler Wilcox
We constantly keep working on our souls, the cars, the money, the women. We fight each other and kill one another and it just hurts so much afterwards and we can't figure out why. But we are one, we are all one being. Just a wave of desire to exist.
If we really are separate from each other, why aren't all people born the same? Some born short, blind, why aren't all women born models? Why aren't all men born tall? It's an optical illusion therefore, and we all brought into it. My spiritual guru put it this way, loneliness is an illusion, and the only way to realize that is through meditation. I haven't found out myself because I haven't meditated on a regular basis, but you eventually start to realize, all those things you see are not really you, there is nothing permanent, and you are nothing but momentum; of cause and effect.
When you die, your body goes back to the earth, to the soil, you are a part of the universe and everybody is too.
There is no heaven, there is no hell. Those are illusions. What happens to your consciousness when you die? I don't know, I haven't found enough experience to find that out for myself yet.
What happens to the physical part of you when you die, gives us some clues. You can examine it through science and forensic tools, but why do we completely deny the ancients? Do we think just because we are here and they are not, that we are really smarter than them? Are we really open minded then?
Eugene said that when you die, your desire to exist makes you reborn, and so is your karma, your habits and your way of thinking.
Theres not really a significant need if you change your thought patterns and open up your mind that all this, this self improvement, this desire to be with a women, in the long run does NOT define you at all. Therefore, it should not consume you whole and keeping thinking that you aren't happy.
I was defensive towards spirituality in the beginning and this is the first time I blogged about it openly. I took a little chance, I opened my mind. Does that mean I'll become a monk now? Does that mean I'll stop my self improvement now?
No, that's ridiculous. Is Richard Gere a monk? Are all Muslims fanatics?
People can close their mind and call it hogwash, but why let people tell you that your favorite car wax sucks?
It works for you doesn't it?
Monday, April 09, 2007
The Bare Minimum
I refuse to be a wage slave.
I say again, I refuse to be a wage slave.
If you were a mouse in a maze with an bite-sized piece of well-aged Wisconsin cheese at the end.
Two choices.
For one, you can navigate the maze, led by the tantalizing smell, you use your intuition and wits and through lots of hard work and effort you will eventually come to the famed prize at the end of the maze. Another choice is to train and train your legs to jump and jump over the walls, curse the person who put you in the maze and search his house for the big fucking hunk of cheese, still carefully wrapped in it's package.
That's how I felt recently after reading an article by Steve Pavlina about ten reasons that you SHOULDN'T get a job, and after a little bit realization myself as I met people.
Are the people who work in offices and hourly wages are there by choice? Perhaps most of them aren't, my parents definitely weren't. They had the cultural revolution and all that, and my dad coming from a working class and my mother coming from a more entrepreneurial, business-y background.
They have different mindsets, but I believe in their generation, there wasn't much choice considering the consequences.
Today, (presuming you live in a capitalistic society) there is a lot more choice. A new generation of "new" millionaires are springing up, standards of living are high, and luxury items once reserved for the royalty or wealthy are now affordable by the common people. Medicaid, financial aid. High and nigh there are many opportunities to make it happen.
I turn around and see people, and because I was once like that too.
We tend to have tunnel vision that job security comes from a job that pays by the hour. We work in cubicles and we don't see a visual difference in the work we do, most of us don't see a vaccine that we invented saving many lives, inventing a new lasting light bulb, or fusion, all it is, is at the end of the day, we see our paycheck.
We want to leave a mark on the world that we and others can see and be proud of it at the very least.
Perhaps whatever you are doing makes you happy, perhaps you are perfectly content with your job because you get to see the world, get backstage passes, and travel to exotic cities and meet many, many women of different nationalities. Thats great too, as long as you are happy.
But I bet we can identify with that rat in the maze, except the maze of life is much, much longer and difficult to navigate. We smell the cheese, which is the dream of attaining the ultimate happiness in life. But we are stuck, navigating the maze and it is hard. We get frustrated and we don't know how much longer we have to find our way or if we are even going the right way.
I been reading some synergistic books on wealth, health, and self improvement lately. The good stuff, the ones that don't just come highly recommended but are classics in their own category.
I am not sure what other people do to get by, but from what it seems, most people seem to have a very narrow and safe path. For example, I rarely see people take the initiative to even meet their neighbors in my dorm, and people don't talk to the students they sit with for the entire semester.
Most people see the world through tunnel vision, they have one path to go, one girl to call, one career, one investment, one paycheck to live.
I am young, I never held a full-time job, but I have worked my ass off at a part-time job at my father's restaurant. I didn't enjoy it, I couldn't imagine myself or other people enjoying working at such job, but I really appreciate and hand my most utter respect to those people who do it because they keep the gears of society well oiled and moving.
Without them, we wouldn't have what we have.
As Steve Pavlina said, what is job security when you can get laid off at any second?
I don't think I am them, I see myself as more than that. I will be happy.
Isn't life suppose to be happy?
From the reading I have been doing and just seeing other people make their move in the world, I am convinced that I can do great. I can do extraordinary. If I just put that little effort in to train my legs, make them stronger, more agile, and be able to jump for the big hunk of cheese.
But doing that requires effort, and an unwavering vision. A willingness to take pain, to stick through with something for the long term.
I think it's not the consequences and conditions we live in this day and age that says who we will be in the future. There's no great war, no global disease to speak of, and for the first time in the history of the world, the power is in our hands to have anything we want as long as we BELIEVE it can be possible and WORK towards it.
I think that if these people see what they can accomplish, see the potential of what they can do, we all can have anything we want, be anything we want.
Of course, society won't let us do that. In order to keep it moving, there has to be people that sweat and live by the hour. There are people that aren't simply suppose to even know they hold this much power. The unlucky majority.
I don't want to be a gear, I am armed with this knowledge, this belief, and I will not let it go to waste. Perhaps now you have a little bit of this knowledge now as well, I hope I can at least spark a tiny bit of a billionth fraction of what you can be are truly capable of.
Start picking up synergistic books, it took me a while to realize how much power we can have just by knowing.
Some recommendations, add Steve Pavlina's Personal Development blog to your bookmarks, T. Harveker's Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, Fantastic Voyage by Ray Kurzweil, David Allen's Getting Things Done, The China Study by T. Colin Campbell, and of course How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Next time you order coffee at a diner, give the waitress a larger tip not because she is very attractive but because you know that without her, we wouldn't have many of the things we have.
I also suggest this, everyday you wake up, when you're ordering your coffee, no matter where you stands in terms of social skills, make small talk or compliment the Starbucks bartistas (or whatever coffee shop you're in). I was pretty social for a year and had great success, and somehow became a hermit in the last few months, but I was getting my dinner at 7-11 today and asked what town I was in. The clerk merely gave me a smile and asked where I was going, I said Stony Brook, he said that was a little far and we shared a chuckle.
The exchange felt organic, I feel alive. Only if we had more of those to start our day.
I say again, I refuse to be a wage slave.
If you were a mouse in a maze with an bite-sized piece of well-aged Wisconsin cheese at the end.
Two choices.
For one, you can navigate the maze, led by the tantalizing smell, you use your intuition and wits and through lots of hard work and effort you will eventually come to the famed prize at the end of the maze. Another choice is to train and train your legs to jump and jump over the walls, curse the person who put you in the maze and search his house for the big fucking hunk of cheese, still carefully wrapped in it's package.
That's how I felt recently after reading an article by Steve Pavlina about ten reasons that you SHOULDN'T get a job, and after a little bit realization myself as I met people.
Are the people who work in offices and hourly wages are there by choice? Perhaps most of them aren't, my parents definitely weren't. They had the cultural revolution and all that, and my dad coming from a working class and my mother coming from a more entrepreneurial, business-y background.
They have different mindsets, but I believe in their generation, there wasn't much choice considering the consequences.
Today, (presuming you live in a capitalistic society) there is a lot more choice. A new generation of "new" millionaires are springing up, standards of living are high, and luxury items once reserved for the royalty or wealthy are now affordable by the common people. Medicaid, financial aid. High and nigh there are many opportunities to make it happen.
I turn around and see people, and because I was once like that too.
We tend to have tunnel vision that job security comes from a job that pays by the hour. We work in cubicles and we don't see a visual difference in the work we do, most of us don't see a vaccine that we invented saving many lives, inventing a new lasting light bulb, or fusion, all it is, is at the end of the day, we see our paycheck.
We want to leave a mark on the world that we and others can see and be proud of it at the very least.
Perhaps whatever you are doing makes you happy, perhaps you are perfectly content with your job because you get to see the world, get backstage passes, and travel to exotic cities and meet many, many women of different nationalities. Thats great too, as long as you are happy.
But I bet we can identify with that rat in the maze, except the maze of life is much, much longer and difficult to navigate. We smell the cheese, which is the dream of attaining the ultimate happiness in life. But we are stuck, navigating the maze and it is hard. We get frustrated and we don't know how much longer we have to find our way or if we are even going the right way.
I been reading some synergistic books on wealth, health, and self improvement lately. The good stuff, the ones that don't just come highly recommended but are classics in their own category.
I am not sure what other people do to get by, but from what it seems, most people seem to have a very narrow and safe path. For example, I rarely see people take the initiative to even meet their neighbors in my dorm, and people don't talk to the students they sit with for the entire semester.
Most people see the world through tunnel vision, they have one path to go, one girl to call, one career, one investment, one paycheck to live.
I am young, I never held a full-time job, but I have worked my ass off at a part-time job at my father's restaurant. I didn't enjoy it, I couldn't imagine myself or other people enjoying working at such job, but I really appreciate and hand my most utter respect to those people who do it because they keep the gears of society well oiled and moving.
Without them, we wouldn't have what we have.
As Steve Pavlina said, what is job security when you can get laid off at any second?
I don't think I am them, I see myself as more than that. I will be happy.
Isn't life suppose to be happy?
From the reading I have been doing and just seeing other people make their move in the world, I am convinced that I can do great. I can do extraordinary. If I just put that little effort in to train my legs, make them stronger, more agile, and be able to jump for the big hunk of cheese.
But doing that requires effort, and an unwavering vision. A willingness to take pain, to stick through with something for the long term.
I think it's not the consequences and conditions we live in this day and age that says who we will be in the future. There's no great war, no global disease to speak of, and for the first time in the history of the world, the power is in our hands to have anything we want as long as we BELIEVE it can be possible and WORK towards it.
I think that if these people see what they can accomplish, see the potential of what they can do, we all can have anything we want, be anything we want.
Of course, society won't let us do that. In order to keep it moving, there has to be people that sweat and live by the hour. There are people that aren't simply suppose to even know they hold this much power. The unlucky majority.
I don't want to be a gear, I am armed with this knowledge, this belief, and I will not let it go to waste. Perhaps now you have a little bit of this knowledge now as well, I hope I can at least spark a tiny bit of a billionth fraction of what you can be are truly capable of.
Start picking up synergistic books, it took me a while to realize how much power we can have just by knowing.
Some recommendations, add Steve Pavlina's Personal Development blog to your bookmarks, T. Harveker's Secrets of the Millionaire Mind, Fantastic Voyage by Ray Kurzweil, David Allen's Getting Things Done, The China Study by T. Colin Campbell, and of course How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Next time you order coffee at a diner, give the waitress a larger tip not because she is very attractive but because you know that without her, we wouldn't have many of the things we have.
I also suggest this, everyday you wake up, when you're ordering your coffee, no matter where you stands in terms of social skills, make small talk or compliment the Starbucks bartistas (or whatever coffee shop you're in). I was pretty social for a year and had great success, and somehow became a hermit in the last few months, but I was getting my dinner at 7-11 today and asked what town I was in. The clerk merely gave me a smile and asked where I was going, I said Stony Brook, he said that was a little far and we shared a chuckle.
The exchange felt organic, I feel alive. Only if we had more of those to start our day.
Monday, April 02, 2007
Mom
"When people compare themselves with others, they only compare themselves to death."
Be happy with yourself now, you ARE good enough, you ARE amazing.
Find happiness in doing the things you love, learning and changing at your own pace.
Forget what other people say or do, or tell you what you should do. Do you live your life for them or for you?
Nobody can take that way from you.
Be happy with yourself now, you ARE good enough, you ARE amazing.
Find happiness in doing the things you love, learning and changing at your own pace.
Forget what other people say or do, or tell you what you should do. Do you live your life for them or for you?
Nobody can take that way from you.
Friday, March 30, 2007
This is for me
I am logging this on a public blog because it would pressure me to follow through with it. Here are a few goals I want to set in the next few months, it's going to be dense as possible and packed, but not unreasonable.
-Socialize, stay proactive.
-In approaching ANYBODY, there is to be no agenda.
-Join at least one school organization (that I find enjoyable) the week I get back from Spring Break
-Revitalize "Project Snowmaiden"
-Smile! Everywhere...
-Call up old friends and have really nice conversations and wish them them a happy one.
-Find a Violin teacher, play at the conservatory of music in the summer.
-Wake up at a fixed alarm time, lets say... 7am. Sleep when you're tired, if you're not, get out of bed and do something.
-Publish Article to Statesmen school newspaper
-Chill with your brother more, influence his teenage years, come home more often, he looks up to you.
Conversational Screening Traits and questions-
Adventurous
Nurturing
Creative
Open-minded
Trying out things you can't pronounce the name of at an exotic restaurant, Kids, Writer.
JC
-Socialize, stay proactive.
-In approaching ANYBODY, there is to be no agenda.
-Join at least one school organization (that I find enjoyable) the week I get back from Spring Break
-Revitalize "Project Snowmaiden"
-Smile! Everywhere...
-Call up old friends and have really nice conversations and wish them them a happy one.
-Find a Violin teacher, play at the conservatory of music in the summer.
-Wake up at a fixed alarm time, lets say... 7am. Sleep when you're tired, if you're not, get out of bed and do something.
-Publish Article to Statesmen school newspaper
-Chill with your brother more, influence his teenage years, come home more often, he looks up to you.
Conversational Screening Traits and questions-
Adventurous
Nurturing
Creative
Open-minded
Trying out things you can't pronounce the name of at an exotic restaurant, Kids, Writer.
JC
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
A Life Beyond They Shall think
Having a great friend speak to me today is one of the best things to happen in the last few years. I didn't realize it at the time but then I awoken from a nap just now and I realize the significance of he said. I felt direction, I felt focus, I didn't need to scour the internet finding a quickie solution and keep depending and finding people anymore on what to do and where to go.
I don't feel like I have to strap dynamite to my feet and jump off the Top of the Rock, it feels simple what I have to do.
It is as simple as it is effective and deadly.
Let me give you a short background of him. His name is Chris, 26 years old, and he is a former Marine that served in Iraq, he quit as a personal trainer because he told me although it was making him a ton of money he wasn't happy working with his rich, snobby clients. He decided to do something he finds enjoyable, money isn't the end it all he saids, happiness is.
He likes history and wanted to be a history teacher in high school, he wants his classes to be extraordinary learning experiences far away from lifeless lecture halls, and told me when he teaches the revolutionary war, he would take them out to the field, dress them up one side redcoats and minutemen and train them and have them play the roles of the soldier to get a little taste of what it was like.
He is an avid surfer for 11 years and loved living in 2 years in Wales when he was in the Marines because the beaches there are awesome. He works as a lifeguard every summer because its a great feeling to sit on the beach, reading a book with the ocean breeze washing across your face and you occasionally get to save somebody.
Thats the little of what I know about him biographically from what he has told me. He told me when I asked him about it, otherwise he listens to me bantering on and on about my problems. Bless him, I try to be positive, but there are times that I do vent, but he seems to like hearing about what I have to say and apply his own perspective to it. It's rare anybody listens anymore instead of bragging about themselves or being self centered.
In a college with 14000 people, genuine people are a needle-haystack. I have met many people here, and people occasionally tell me I know everybody here just because I say hi to those I have briefly talk to or are in my classes. They aren't what I can call friends because either they are too busy (friendships need time to fuel) or that I don't find them genuine. This place feels like a softer, safer microcosm of the real world. People are constantly trying to gain status, if not by money and influence here then by sexual prowess.
Guys telling me stories (ABOUT THIS ONE TIME, YO MY FRIEND, THIS CHICK) and I can feel subconsciously that he is bragging. Girls being self centered and keep complaining about a guy they wanna fuck and hooking up.
I start drowning, because I value people who listen and relate. Those people are the gems and treasure of our society. They are the anonymous superheroes not unlike Superman that exists not in Gotham or Metropolis but here in the real world.
I wrote that innocent lost post because everything thing in a college dorm life seems upside down and even the girls here are crazy and promiscuous. I grew up in a fairly conservative Asian background and was given a lot of love and romanticism of the world, and I truly believed in it until now. Although, my mom occationally warned me to be careful, you shouldn't reveal your closest secrets to even your closest friends. And it gave me a little dark, conspiracy that I didn't believe until I became older.
Coming here, I felt like I grew up, you learn to live with people you don't like, things don't go your way, you are out of close friends and social support for the first few months. You learn to get hardened by things that suck so you'll stop complaining and really appreciate what good luck and fortune really is.
I'm glad I found a direction today. I found to admire a lot of his opinions and views of the world, and he saids that we're in the same category.
We are people who don't belong in a certain group of people or associate themselves with any one activity or thing.
We tend to bounce around and hang out with every group back in high school, if the footballers threw a party, we'll fit in. The skaters, we fit in. If the nerds had a party, we'll go there too and fit in.
People tend to look for leadership, they flock to other people and join their groups. Because there is always going to be one guy in that group that tells them what to do and what next, its a natural human thing.
While living in England for two years with the Marines, Chris would go off to the city and just ride the tube and walk around the city by day when he had off, and at night he would call up his friends and hit the pub and hang around with them.
He walked around and rode the subway and found interesting things and interesting people to meet. He eventually found something really fun to do and invited his friends to do it with him and they would follow his lead. "Do you want to come do this thing with me today?" Yes they would say, and that would be it. He'll be suddenly a leader and showing them around.
The thing I learned from this, people are leaders simply because they had nothing to do and just started doing something... anything and then others started following them.
People need direction, and they would rather find a well established leader instead of doing something nothing by themselves.
All of the people I met here have complained about finding nothing to do on campus, they go home on the weekends and when they stay they will stay in their rooms on the computer doing absolutely nothing. No WONDER why they complain.
I will do anything now to get out of nothing, next weekend when I'm staying over the weekend on campus, I am going to walk... just walk around the surround town of Stony Brook. Find places, find interesting things, views, perhaps bring a camera, and just walk and being happy being alone unless I happen to run into an interesting person along the way. Perhaps we have a good conversation, then perhaps this person could tell me what he or she will like to do around the town or something interesting about it. Then I will have either made a new friend or I would have found something interesting on my own I could invite others to see, or I could simply have a very pleasant walk around this quiet little town and take some of the scenery and fresh breeze in.
I am applying the same to life. I will no longer sit here and do nothing, but I will find something. Nothing is an illusion, boredom is caused by being dependent on other people for our pleasures.
Be your own leader, get out and do... anything. If you're near a city, walk around the city and look for things that interest you... take risks... talk to interesting people... if anything it is better to experience the world than to complain about it.
I can't begin to tell you how many applications that this attitude has towards all walks of life.
Be your own leader, others will follow.
I thank you Chris, for being a great friend and being totally genuine and confident around me, thank you for being such an inspiration. I thank you Eugene, for encouraging my writing and giving me a drive to push it better and better.
I found a good direction now.
I don't feel like I have to strap dynamite to my feet and jump off the Top of the Rock, it feels simple what I have to do.
It is as simple as it is effective and deadly.
Let me give you a short background of him. His name is Chris, 26 years old, and he is a former Marine that served in Iraq, he quit as a personal trainer because he told me although it was making him a ton of money he wasn't happy working with his rich, snobby clients. He decided to do something he finds enjoyable, money isn't the end it all he saids, happiness is.
He likes history and wanted to be a history teacher in high school, he wants his classes to be extraordinary learning experiences far away from lifeless lecture halls, and told me when he teaches the revolutionary war, he would take them out to the field, dress them up one side redcoats and minutemen and train them and have them play the roles of the soldier to get a little taste of what it was like.
He is an avid surfer for 11 years and loved living in 2 years in Wales when he was in the Marines because the beaches there are awesome. He works as a lifeguard every summer because its a great feeling to sit on the beach, reading a book with the ocean breeze washing across your face and you occasionally get to save somebody.
Thats the little of what I know about him biographically from what he has told me. He told me when I asked him about it, otherwise he listens to me bantering on and on about my problems. Bless him, I try to be positive, but there are times that I do vent, but he seems to like hearing about what I have to say and apply his own perspective to it. It's rare anybody listens anymore instead of bragging about themselves or being self centered.
In a college with 14000 people, genuine people are a needle-haystack. I have met many people here, and people occasionally tell me I know everybody here just because I say hi to those I have briefly talk to or are in my classes. They aren't what I can call friends because either they are too busy (friendships need time to fuel) or that I don't find them genuine. This place feels like a softer, safer microcosm of the real world. People are constantly trying to gain status, if not by money and influence here then by sexual prowess.
Guys telling me stories (ABOUT THIS ONE TIME, YO MY FRIEND, THIS CHICK) and I can feel subconsciously that he is bragging. Girls being self centered and keep complaining about a guy they wanna fuck and hooking up.
I start drowning, because I value people who listen and relate. Those people are the gems and treasure of our society. They are the anonymous superheroes not unlike Superman that exists not in Gotham or Metropolis but here in the real world.
I wrote that innocent lost post because everything thing in a college dorm life seems upside down and even the girls here are crazy and promiscuous. I grew up in a fairly conservative Asian background and was given a lot of love and romanticism of the world, and I truly believed in it until now. Although, my mom occationally warned me to be careful, you shouldn't reveal your closest secrets to even your closest friends. And it gave me a little dark, conspiracy that I didn't believe until I became older.
Coming here, I felt like I grew up, you learn to live with people you don't like, things don't go your way, you are out of close friends and social support for the first few months. You learn to get hardened by things that suck so you'll stop complaining and really appreciate what good luck and fortune really is.
I'm glad I found a direction today. I found to admire a lot of his opinions and views of the world, and he saids that we're in the same category.
We are people who don't belong in a certain group of people or associate themselves with any one activity or thing.
We tend to bounce around and hang out with every group back in high school, if the footballers threw a party, we'll fit in. The skaters, we fit in. If the nerds had a party, we'll go there too and fit in.
People tend to look for leadership, they flock to other people and join their groups. Because there is always going to be one guy in that group that tells them what to do and what next, its a natural human thing.
While living in England for two years with the Marines, Chris would go off to the city and just ride the tube and walk around the city by day when he had off, and at night he would call up his friends and hit the pub and hang around with them.
He walked around and rode the subway and found interesting things and interesting people to meet. He eventually found something really fun to do and invited his friends to do it with him and they would follow his lead. "Do you want to come do this thing with me today?" Yes they would say, and that would be it. He'll be suddenly a leader and showing them around.
The thing I learned from this, people are leaders simply because they had nothing to do and just started doing something... anything and then others started following them.
People need direction, and they would rather find a well established leader instead of doing something nothing by themselves.
All of the people I met here have complained about finding nothing to do on campus, they go home on the weekends and when they stay they will stay in their rooms on the computer doing absolutely nothing. No WONDER why they complain.
I will do anything now to get out of nothing, next weekend when I'm staying over the weekend on campus, I am going to walk... just walk around the surround town of Stony Brook. Find places, find interesting things, views, perhaps bring a camera, and just walk and being happy being alone unless I happen to run into an interesting person along the way. Perhaps we have a good conversation, then perhaps this person could tell me what he or she will like to do around the town or something interesting about it. Then I will have either made a new friend or I would have found something interesting on my own I could invite others to see, or I could simply have a very pleasant walk around this quiet little town and take some of the scenery and fresh breeze in.
I am applying the same to life. I will no longer sit here and do nothing, but I will find something. Nothing is an illusion, boredom is caused by being dependent on other people for our pleasures.
Be your own leader, get out and do... anything. If you're near a city, walk around the city and look for things that interest you... take risks... talk to interesting people... if anything it is better to experience the world than to complain about it.
I can't begin to tell you how many applications that this attitude has towards all walks of life.
Be your own leader, others will follow.
I thank you Chris, for being a great friend and being totally genuine and confident around me, thank you for being such an inspiration. I thank you Eugene, for encouraging my writing and giving me a drive to push it better and better.
I found a good direction now.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
The Airplane!
Here goes, we are going to discuss the fabric of nanofibers on accelerated anti-matter based broad space spectrum. Enjoy. (The title is just a punchline and will come later).
Now for all seriousness. I been feeling desperate and rather lonely for the past few months that I have moved into the dorming life, and it wasn't until very recently that I stumbled across the root of the problem by chance.
Acceptance (and Love) comes in all shapes and forms, but it is as vital as a resource to our bodies as the water we drink and the pepperoni pizza with mushrooms we eat.
I found whenever I came home from school, I felt like a warm blanket was wrapped around me. It was just a feeling indescribable, home was so warm, so welcoming, so right. It is this layer of familiarity and love that I felt missing while I was at the college having no close friends and not getting the success I wanted with pretty girls.
I remember what theBirthdayPony said about the mindset of "Not wanting a women for the rest of your life". I see it's power and I revel in it's sweetness, I can call a girl or three and not be attached at all to the outcome because I am detached. My ego is removed from her responses. I don't NEED her to respond, to hang out, to cuddle, to have sex with.
I met two cool Israeli cats whom I play ping pong and smoke hookah with that I can call my good friends. One of them is an amatuer photographer and another is a semi-womanizer, and we went to explore the dark abandoned building that was a nightclub for graduate students right here on our campus (spooky place, we heard noises).
My close friends from back home called me and we had a chat (both of them) that lasted at least an hour long each. Then I bonded with my suitemates over the poker table and we sat and laughed and I founded a gym buddy among them. People I can call my friends for the first time here despite the countless acquaintances I bumped into here.
I sit here now and I don't feel bad about not having a woman in my life, my love and acceptance comes from good friends and family. Nobody could ever take them away from me. I based my acceptance on the prowess of getting women the first few months here because I thought it would be so cool to have guys see me every night in my room with the door closed and making noises.
I won't lie, but going through my gmail account and seeing all those advertisments and newsletters for seduction and dating advice, I realize they all prey on your insecurity. You're not good enough, you're not attractive enough, you're movie date sucks, take her on a roller coaster to replicate the feelings of danger, the workshop is only available only for one more week and discounted prices, take more chances... etc.
First of all, you need to accept yourself first.
Your sense of ego shouldn't be dependent on the success of women or what other people tell you. Your sense of acceptance and love should be based on your family, friends, and people who really like you. You need to have something you are working towards, a goal, hobbies, working out at the gym to become healthier. Write a fucking poem, a short story, a verse, a novel if need be. Your life has to have a sense of purpose and you must like your sense of purpose.
If you do not accept yourself first, and you try to peddle your toe in the pool that is women than I swear to you that you will be destroyed before you know it.
Once you finally accept yourself, then only then can you dip into the dating life. You are independent from women, you don't NEED them, you only want them, it's a bonus. You are completely satisfied without them, you can live life and still be happy.
I texted messaged a chick, I don't care if she responds. I canceled an offer for sex last night. I had one too many Bailey's and Guinness's anyway. I don't NEED anything other than to be happy with myself.
Think of it as water and food on the famous Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. You need food and water before you can go for the higher things. You need friends and family to love yourself as much as you need food to survive. So have that, and make sure you love yourself enough before another person would want to love you.
Thanks for reading, let me talk about the airplane.
This is fun, I discovered this recently and it works especially for the more carefree and playful people out there. Meet a girl, chat, then as you're walking with her laughing and having a good time... it's time to... meet the... AIRPLANE!
Warn her.
"Uh oh, guess what?"
What?
"Airplane time!"
Whaaaaaa?
"Too late!"
Proceed to grab both her shoulders with your arms and stand behind her, then push her around, making airplane noises, until she tells you to stop. Which could be a while because she's laughing her ass off and both of you are having the grandeur time of your lives.
Forget everything else, all the rules, standards, work, pressures, stress and just let you and your lady friend a chance to be a kid again. Even if just for that little moment. She'll appreciate what you can give her that no other man has a chance to dare to. Two little children in the big playground that is the world.
It's been empirically proven... yo. :-)
Now for all seriousness. I been feeling desperate and rather lonely for the past few months that I have moved into the dorming life, and it wasn't until very recently that I stumbled across the root of the problem by chance.
Acceptance (and Love) comes in all shapes and forms, but it is as vital as a resource to our bodies as the water we drink and the pepperoni pizza with mushrooms we eat.
I found whenever I came home from school, I felt like a warm blanket was wrapped around me. It was just a feeling indescribable, home was so warm, so welcoming, so right. It is this layer of familiarity and love that I felt missing while I was at the college having no close friends and not getting the success I wanted with pretty girls.
I remember what theBirthdayPony said about the mindset of "Not wanting a women for the rest of your life". I see it's power and I revel in it's sweetness, I can call a girl or three and not be attached at all to the outcome because I am detached. My ego is removed from her responses. I don't NEED her to respond, to hang out, to cuddle, to have sex with.
I met two cool Israeli cats whom I play ping pong and smoke hookah with that I can call my good friends. One of them is an amatuer photographer and another is a semi-womanizer, and we went to explore the dark abandoned building that was a nightclub for graduate students right here on our campus (spooky place, we heard noises).
My close friends from back home called me and we had a chat (both of them) that lasted at least an hour long each. Then I bonded with my suitemates over the poker table and we sat and laughed and I founded a gym buddy among them. People I can call my friends for the first time here despite the countless acquaintances I bumped into here.
I sit here now and I don't feel bad about not having a woman in my life, my love and acceptance comes from good friends and family. Nobody could ever take them away from me. I based my acceptance on the prowess of getting women the first few months here because I thought it would be so cool to have guys see me every night in my room with the door closed and making noises.
I won't lie, but going through my gmail account and seeing all those advertisments and newsletters for seduction and dating advice, I realize they all prey on your insecurity. You're not good enough, you're not attractive enough, you're movie date sucks, take her on a roller coaster to replicate the feelings of danger, the workshop is only available only for one more week and discounted prices, take more chances... etc.
First of all, you need to accept yourself first.
Your sense of ego shouldn't be dependent on the success of women or what other people tell you. Your sense of acceptance and love should be based on your family, friends, and people who really like you. You need to have something you are working towards, a goal, hobbies, working out at the gym to become healthier. Write a fucking poem, a short story, a verse, a novel if need be. Your life has to have a sense of purpose and you must like your sense of purpose.
If you do not accept yourself first, and you try to peddle your toe in the pool that is women than I swear to you that you will be destroyed before you know it.
Once you finally accept yourself, then only then can you dip into the dating life. You are independent from women, you don't NEED them, you only want them, it's a bonus. You are completely satisfied without them, you can live life and still be happy.
I texted messaged a chick, I don't care if she responds. I canceled an offer for sex last night. I had one too many Bailey's and Guinness's anyway. I don't NEED anything other than to be happy with myself.
Think of it as water and food on the famous Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs pyramid. You need food and water before you can go for the higher things. You need friends and family to love yourself as much as you need food to survive. So have that, and make sure you love yourself enough before another person would want to love you.
Thanks for reading, let me talk about the airplane.
This is fun, I discovered this recently and it works especially for the more carefree and playful people out there. Meet a girl, chat, then as you're walking with her laughing and having a good time... it's time to... meet the... AIRPLANE!
Warn her.
"Uh oh, guess what?"
What?
"Airplane time!"
Whaaaaaa?
"Too late!"
Proceed to grab both her shoulders with your arms and stand behind her, then push her around, making airplane noises, until she tells you to stop. Which could be a while because she's laughing her ass off and both of you are having the grandeur time of your lives.
Forget everything else, all the rules, standards, work, pressures, stress and just let you and your lady friend a chance to be a kid again. Even if just for that little moment. She'll appreciate what you can give her that no other man has a chance to dare to. Two little children in the big playground that is the world.
It's been empirically proven... yo. :-)
Friday, March 09, 2007
20
Hey cool, I'm twenty. Not a teenager anymore, but not offically a legal adult. Stuck in the middle, a interdimension. Lol.
Thanks everyone who are friends, thank the family and all the dead ancestors whom without I wouldn't be here, thank my few old enemies, thank all the people I spoke to on the street, on the train, in classes, passing notes, not remembering my old name, the cool cats in the community, the girls that just didn't work out with, my computer, my dead goldfishes, little buddha, Charles Swartz, Charlie Brown, my Ping Pong opponents, thanks Xbox Live, thanks overpriced totalitarian Stony Brook meal plan, thank Greenwich village for being so awesome, thanks my mini-romances on the LIRR, thanks my fasination with photography, and thank the many more people I will annoy, bother, push, shove, cry, argue, but eventually converse, chat, hug, kiss, cuddle, and love.
I'm a private eye this year btw. Here comes 21 passing by so soon to even tell you that I'm allergic to alcohol. Good night, and good fucking luck.
Thanks everyone who are friends, thank the family and all the dead ancestors whom without I wouldn't be here, thank my few old enemies, thank all the people I spoke to on the street, on the train, in classes, passing notes, not remembering my old name, the cool cats in the community, the girls that just didn't work out with, my computer, my dead goldfishes, little buddha, Charles Swartz, Charlie Brown, my Ping Pong opponents, thanks Xbox Live, thanks overpriced totalitarian Stony Brook meal plan, thank Greenwich village for being so awesome, thanks my mini-romances on the LIRR, thanks my fasination with photography, and thank the many more people I will annoy, bother, push, shove, cry, argue, but eventually converse, chat, hug, kiss, cuddle, and love.
I'm a private eye this year btw. Here comes 21 passing by so soon to even tell you that I'm allergic to alcohol. Good night, and good fucking luck.
Friday, March 02, 2007
A bit of a downer, tic tacs nevertheless
I am writing for fun, or when I learn something, but today, I decided to write to offset a drought of good emotions for the week.
I was hermitting in my room last night, occasionally playing a shooting game called Red Orchestra and letting the campus network lag get the best of me. That night, I had the opportunity to meet some girls and their friends that were coming over to my friend's dorm, go to a nightclub called Mist, or go to a nearby frat party. A fully loaded night. I was going to go at first, but then a spike of wanting and loneliness hit me like never before. It felt like the downer at the middle of the week, and these bad thoughts have been bathing in my head recently.
You know, I have never actually felt this low with seemingly no problem with me at all. I mean when my mother was in the hospital for a critical condition around 6 years ago, I felt the same way, but that was with a purpose, my mother, the strongest and most alpha person I have ever met in my life is falling really sick. I had a reason to feel bad, I was young too, I was confused.
Now I am going away to college here at Stony Brook University in Long Island, and the first few weeks were wild, I explored the enormous campus and got excited about the brand-new and rigorous journalism they have here, I met some old friends from childhood that we relinked, played some table tennis and tried out the Nintendo Wii for the first time, played Beer Pong for the first time and even cuddled with girls and messed around. I should be happy? What happened?
With that all said and done, I think I can see why I am feeling down at the moment. It feels like a mellow and dark cloud in your head, sucking away at your energy, enthusiasm, and youthfulness. I am not use to feeling down like this, this is actually new for me.
I didn't want to do anything last night, I just decided to stay in my room and hang with my suitemates, then I got a text message that one of my female friends was having sex with this dude she had been eyeing for a long time. And of course, most people play it cool, but it's not a good feeling to be sitting in my room while I know one of my attractive friends is getting laid.
It's been a extremely stressful week, I have readings that I am missing by a few hundred pages, a novel by Alexander Pushkin I have to complete, news articles for my beat reporting class due, deadlines by next week, file my FAFSA, and find my receipts because my debit card had been stolen lately. Complete lack of exercise and lack of sleep from my roommates. Then I had a bit of a girl problem, and got rejected. Anthony also had been pushing me this week and telling me I am not practicing enough and giving it all I got. At least 3 approaches a day he saids, at least a minute of conversation in between too!
It's hard to be socially proactive when you don't feel like talking to anybody. But I tried pushing myself into some unreactive interactions but I did make two new female friends that were pretty darn cool.
I can try to act unfazed and cool, but I am not. This shit hurts, it kills productivity. You feel low, and suddenly start acting emo and write stuff on your blog. :)
Yeah, its painful. But I realize after sleeping and swimming in it, it's time to get out. Stay proactive, get on top of my grades, and DO something!
I am going to put on my headphones right now and put on my favorite tunes. Music is such a therpautic healer, perhaps I'll start with a soft song with lofty female vocal. Then something with a quicker and cheerier beat, to awaken my spirit. Perhaps I could end it with something intense and rapid that could excite the synapses in my brain and uplift my soul.
Music is one of the most amazing things that humans have discovered and will be with us indefinitely, it gives us the motivation to survive in times of hardship and we express joy through music when we are happy.
Next, I am going to get my ass up and do something. Anything. Eat something, put on a fresh shirt, take a shower, go out for a jog. You will continue to feel like shit if you just sit there and do nothing.
I have learned that a lot of downers and depression is because that I am sitting there and just thinking too hard on what I should have done and how much I suck. Getting up and doing something else works, it will get you motivated and at least a little happier now that you are getting something done (like breathing fresh air or getting neglected food energy for your body!).
Now that I am up, call a friend!
We are created as social creatures, and sometimes simply talking to somebody will snap you right out of it and feeling great again. The best times of my life are when I am talking, laughing, joking over stupid shit with my friends.
Love, accepting, all those things that friends provide.
By this time I am up and on to take on the world, wondering why I was so down in the first place, smiling at people walking by, and sharing your enthusiasm for life.
Depression and downers are temporary, a lot of people can't seem to realize how petty what it is they are depressed over and that you could be feeling so much better. For example, just writing on my blog and listening to French pop made me feel so much better.
If you guys don't have a blog, start one, it feels good to have some place where you can express yourself and your mood once in a while. Perhaps a journal if you'll prefer. Then tell me about it, I'll love to read all about it!
I am going to get a shower right now, eat something and take on my tasks for the day.
Being down is a part of life, everybody goes through it once in a while, even those that appear to be always confident and outgoing.
I was hermitting in my room last night, occasionally playing a shooting game called Red Orchestra and letting the campus network lag get the best of me. That night, I had the opportunity to meet some girls and their friends that were coming over to my friend's dorm, go to a nightclub called Mist, or go to a nearby frat party. A fully loaded night. I was going to go at first, but then a spike of wanting and loneliness hit me like never before. It felt like the downer at the middle of the week, and these bad thoughts have been bathing in my head recently.
You know, I have never actually felt this low with seemingly no problem with me at all. I mean when my mother was in the hospital for a critical condition around 6 years ago, I felt the same way, but that was with a purpose, my mother, the strongest and most alpha person I have ever met in my life is falling really sick. I had a reason to feel bad, I was young too, I was confused.
Now I am going away to college here at Stony Brook University in Long Island, and the first few weeks were wild, I explored the enormous campus and got excited about the brand-new and rigorous journalism they have here, I met some old friends from childhood that we relinked, played some table tennis and tried out the Nintendo Wii for the first time, played Beer Pong for the first time and even cuddled with girls and messed around. I should be happy? What happened?
With that all said and done, I think I can see why I am feeling down at the moment. It feels like a mellow and dark cloud in your head, sucking away at your energy, enthusiasm, and youthfulness. I am not use to feeling down like this, this is actually new for me.
I didn't want to do anything last night, I just decided to stay in my room and hang with my suitemates, then I got a text message that one of my female friends was having sex with this dude she had been eyeing for a long time. And of course, most people play it cool, but it's not a good feeling to be sitting in my room while I know one of my attractive friends is getting laid.
It's been a extremely stressful week, I have readings that I am missing by a few hundred pages, a novel by Alexander Pushkin I have to complete, news articles for my beat reporting class due, deadlines by next week, file my FAFSA, and find my receipts because my debit card had been stolen lately. Complete lack of exercise and lack of sleep from my roommates. Then I had a bit of a girl problem, and got rejected. Anthony also had been pushing me this week and telling me I am not practicing enough and giving it all I got. At least 3 approaches a day he saids, at least a minute of conversation in between too!
It's hard to be socially proactive when you don't feel like talking to anybody. But I tried pushing myself into some unreactive interactions but I did make two new female friends that were pretty darn cool.
I can try to act unfazed and cool, but I am not. This shit hurts, it kills productivity. You feel low, and suddenly start acting emo and write stuff on your blog. :)
Yeah, its painful. But I realize after sleeping and swimming in it, it's time to get out. Stay proactive, get on top of my grades, and DO something!
I am going to put on my headphones right now and put on my favorite tunes. Music is such a therpautic healer, perhaps I'll start with a soft song with lofty female vocal. Then something with a quicker and cheerier beat, to awaken my spirit. Perhaps I could end it with something intense and rapid that could excite the synapses in my brain and uplift my soul.
Music is one of the most amazing things that humans have discovered and will be with us indefinitely, it gives us the motivation to survive in times of hardship and we express joy through music when we are happy.
Next, I am going to get my ass up and do something. Anything. Eat something, put on a fresh shirt, take a shower, go out for a jog. You will continue to feel like shit if you just sit there and do nothing.
I have learned that a lot of downers and depression is because that I am sitting there and just thinking too hard on what I should have done and how much I suck. Getting up and doing something else works, it will get you motivated and at least a little happier now that you are getting something done (like breathing fresh air or getting neglected food energy for your body!).
Now that I am up, call a friend!
We are created as social creatures, and sometimes simply talking to somebody will snap you right out of it and feeling great again. The best times of my life are when I am talking, laughing, joking over stupid shit with my friends.
Love, accepting, all those things that friends provide.
By this time I am up and on to take on the world, wondering why I was so down in the first place, smiling at people walking by, and sharing your enthusiasm for life.
Depression and downers are temporary, a lot of people can't seem to realize how petty what it is they are depressed over and that you could be feeling so much better. For example, just writing on my blog and listening to French pop made me feel so much better.
If you guys don't have a blog, start one, it feels good to have some place where you can express yourself and your mood once in a while. Perhaps a journal if you'll prefer. Then tell me about it, I'll love to read all about it!
I am going to get a shower right now, eat something and take on my tasks for the day.
Being down is a part of life, everybody goes through it once in a while, even those that appear to be always confident and outgoing.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
A Piece of My Mind - Trying Hard
So I'll give you a piece of my mind, right now I am desperately trying to change my sleep time table to a earlier mark so I can actually wake up at an healthy time and SEE the morning again. I haven't seen the morning in a long time actually, probably in half a year. My body rejected the sleep, thinking it was a nap, so I started at 10pm and wearing earplugs (they are a godsend) and then I popped up at 12:19am when those fuckers started making noise again, then at 1:19 I woke again, having that feeling I overslept and had too much to nap. I am willing to sacrifice tomorrow (a day's full of concentration and newspaper interviews) to get better sleep. I want to get use to living further on the edge, perhaps just until the point I die.
I've been pussyfooting around, in my yearlong development of becoming better with people and women, I realize that although I have made progress, I haven't done NEARLY enough to get where I want.
This isn't an inspirational post, this is more of a kick myself out so i'll thank myself for later post. The difference is, I don't feel good writing this one, it's just something thats so necessary.
I met about 4 girls in the past week, I think two of them I got contact information but never followed up because I didn't like them enough. Usually I sit with them at lunch and eat with them. In my mind I am thinking I am doing enough, but when I am not getting the results I want, thats a pretty damn good indication of not doing good enough.
I been doing a year of this, mostly reading material most of the time than actually going out to practice socializing and flirting with girls. Some guys are getting alot better than me and they are perhaps only a few months behind me, they been really pushing themselves.
I realize, not everyone succeeds at things. Especially those who see something as a mere distraction than a lifestyle. It takes a lifestyle at something to become really good at it, so those athletes you see playing ball failed and tried probably a THOUSAND times as hard as people who played merely as a distraction for a while and then gave up.
That's how they got there today.
I was feeling shit the whole day, this girl stopped talking to me, I got deadlines and much academic stress to meet, my roommates aren't getting along with me and I don't feel like I fit in, and yadda yadda. I don't even want to hear it.
But you know what, despite what you or I may think. It is NOT the parts of your life that you are feeling good and on vacation and falling in life that are the BEST in your life. It is those times you struggled and fought back and killed a thousand ninjas and survived that truly do you feel like you lived through something.
In most battles, it is a Battlefield of the mind.
The outside world is as easy as it comes, you can easily do anything you want. I realize half of easily doing what you want, is to fight your mind. Perhaps years and years of shyness or fear prevents you from making a phone call to a totally random stranger (I had phoneophobia for a while), but then I wonder how those telemarketers calling thousands of people and having freakshows and just really mean people yell at you do it, and they do it well, or else telemarketers would have died out long ago. (Much to our dismay)
Tomorrow I am going to try harder, I feel bad about one girl, my mentor Anthony is great with people because feeling bad about girls and getting rejected is a super common occurance. He simply has failed and pushed much more than most people to get where he is today, he is human. Just one of the most amazing people because I realize barely ANYONE in the world has this dedication and endurance. (If you think lifting weights at the gym is hard, try talking to 3 strangers and making them like you)
People who are really good at something aren't gods. They are simply really bad at something and do it so constantly that eventually, 1 out of 1000 failures constitutes a success. Then that little number starts to build up and we think they are amazing by the time it becomes 3.
The rest of us leave it to chance. Don't even think about those people getting lucky, thats the way life is, living with my shitty roommates right now is a maturity lesson of it's own. It made me realize how awesome living with my parents were and I could go to sleep without Hindi music blasting in my ears 3am at night.
I realize I may not make it, I may not be able to be that strong. It's rare anybody is that strong and extraordinary, but I try and push my boundaries and think of fear as being a lesson. I have alot more to say, but I must go to sleep.
You are extraordinary too, you are already it, or it's inside you. You may not make it too, but we try and try and fail and fail. Lets do it.
I am adding Susan to "Girl Who Rejected Me #23", she is exiled from my mind and I am moving on easily, lets try to catch up to Anthony's 1000th rejection.
I've been pussyfooting around, in my yearlong development of becoming better with people and women, I realize that although I have made progress, I haven't done NEARLY enough to get where I want.
This isn't an inspirational post, this is more of a kick myself out so i'll thank myself for later post. The difference is, I don't feel good writing this one, it's just something thats so necessary.
I met about 4 girls in the past week, I think two of them I got contact information but never followed up because I didn't like them enough. Usually I sit with them at lunch and eat with them. In my mind I am thinking I am doing enough, but when I am not getting the results I want, thats a pretty damn good indication of not doing good enough.
I been doing a year of this, mostly reading material most of the time than actually going out to practice socializing and flirting with girls. Some guys are getting alot better than me and they are perhaps only a few months behind me, they been really pushing themselves.
I realize, not everyone succeeds at things. Especially those who see something as a mere distraction than a lifestyle. It takes a lifestyle at something to become really good at it, so those athletes you see playing ball failed and tried probably a THOUSAND times as hard as people who played merely as a distraction for a while and then gave up.
That's how they got there today.
I was feeling shit the whole day, this girl stopped talking to me, I got deadlines and much academic stress to meet, my roommates aren't getting along with me and I don't feel like I fit in, and yadda yadda. I don't even want to hear it.
But you know what, despite what you or I may think. It is NOT the parts of your life that you are feeling good and on vacation and falling in life that are the BEST in your life. It is those times you struggled and fought back and killed a thousand ninjas and survived that truly do you feel like you lived through something.
In most battles, it is a Battlefield of the mind.
The outside world is as easy as it comes, you can easily do anything you want. I realize half of easily doing what you want, is to fight your mind. Perhaps years and years of shyness or fear prevents you from making a phone call to a totally random stranger (I had phoneophobia for a while), but then I wonder how those telemarketers calling thousands of people and having freakshows and just really mean people yell at you do it, and they do it well, or else telemarketers would have died out long ago. (Much to our dismay)
Tomorrow I am going to try harder, I feel bad about one girl, my mentor Anthony is great with people because feeling bad about girls and getting rejected is a super common occurance. He simply has failed and pushed much more than most people to get where he is today, he is human. Just one of the most amazing people because I realize barely ANYONE in the world has this dedication and endurance. (If you think lifting weights at the gym is hard, try talking to 3 strangers and making them like you)
People who are really good at something aren't gods. They are simply really bad at something and do it so constantly that eventually, 1 out of 1000 failures constitutes a success. Then that little number starts to build up and we think they are amazing by the time it becomes 3.
The rest of us leave it to chance. Don't even think about those people getting lucky, thats the way life is, living with my shitty roommates right now is a maturity lesson of it's own. It made me realize how awesome living with my parents were and I could go to sleep without Hindi music blasting in my ears 3am at night.
I realize I may not make it, I may not be able to be that strong. It's rare anybody is that strong and extraordinary, but I try and push my boundaries and think of fear as being a lesson. I have alot more to say, but I must go to sleep.
You are extraordinary too, you are already it, or it's inside you. You may not make it too, but we try and try and fail and fail. Lets do it.
I am adding Susan to "Girl Who Rejected Me #23", she is exiled from my mind and I am moving on easily, lets try to catch up to Anthony's 1000th rejection.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Friendly People are Amazing!
I don't notice him, he's in the shadows, walking behind my Persian friends and two little cousins when I bump into them. We banter and do catch up, what's up, where were you heading, any parties you know of? He strides up and confidently puts his arm across my shoulder and innocently asks if I can take him to a party. I feel a bit awkward for not introducing myself to him earlier, but before I can even put out my hand, he put up his and said his name.
JC, I said. Then he said He likes me, we should get married. The two Persian girls joked and went along with it and said no, they were married and put her head on the other. I loved this joke, I think it's funny as fuck and shows how confident you are seeing how guys are always so insecure about it, so I put my arms around the guy and said yeah, this is my new boyfriend. We all laughed, the little brother, barely 12 said he wanted some pussy and that he was going to find some tonight. I chuckled, these kids are so confident.
Then the guy told me he was 15 as we all went to the cafe, I said bullshit. He said really, he is. (He is 15).
We had coffee and hung out and we had to go. I told him that he was one of the most friendliest and confident people I know and that he will have no trouble getting the ladies and having fun in college. I learned a lot from that kid, he has a memorizing aura of just personality and charm, and I realized that just by being more committed than the other person (in some cases A LOT more committed) it shows a great deal how confident you are.
Take today for example. I was getting lunch at the Kelly Dining hall on my campus, I got tavern-style Cod (some breaded fish) and a soup, I paid the lady and was on my way looking for somebody to sit next to (I never eat alone), when the soup slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor. A mustache-bearing man in a chef's uniform saw me drop the soup and told me that he's pretty sure I can get another one. I said thank you and explained to the cashier lady that my soup spilled, she wasn't happy about it and said only this time, that's why you get trays she said, next time I would have to pay for it. I got the soup and walked out, the chef saw me and smiled, and warmly said that that lady is just having a bad day, it's no big deal at all, he laughed. "Have a nice weekend."
I had the strangest feeling in my stomach to talk with the chef, for no reason at all, just the fact that I was really impressed the night before and something just intrigues me about these people.
At this point, I don't know much about these two amazing individuals. They are simply very, very committed to the interaction, perhaps without realizing it. But in an age where people are getting disinterested and spend more and more time in front of computers and becoming less socialized and more cautious, this gesture of friendliness and good faith gives your subconscious no choice but to return the warmth and feel comfortable with this person.
Often, a typical meeting with a stranger is more of a war of attrition then a friendly meeting. People look uncomfortable and feel uncomfortable because simply they aren't committed enough to the interaction. Should I shake his hand? Should I introduce myself now or in a minute? Should I tell him how awesome his Donald Duck Jacket is?
Or simply, you can stop all that bullshit and just do it. Stop thinking about what you want to do, just do the first thing on your mind. This stranger is your friend from elementary school and you grew up playing Scrabble together. How would you react to him? (Personally I'll give him a big hug, kind of like Johnny Saviour style)
It's funny, the universal rule of taking a risk or fortune favors the bold applies extremely well here. Don't think about what that person thinks, just introduce yourself with a big smile and ask for his name, he will DEFINITELY like you and think you are a confident, and amazing person with alot going for you (maybe it's not true, but who cares, he thinks you are, and you are, you're reading my blog ;p )
I mentioned first impressions in an earlier post, it still holds true that you NEVER JUDGE BY FIRST IMPRESSIONS. But people don't know that, and even you won't ever completely stop judging because you are human. So why not take this to our advantage and make people like us instantly?
How awesome would that be? Just by simply being more committed to the other person and willing to share yourself. It's going to be a bit scary at first, it is for me, I am going to practice just being really committed in the next few weeks too, breaking out of my own comfort zone. This may be the secret to being a great conversationalist. Think of all the things you can achieve, business meetings, social gatherings, just any situation you can think of where you meet new people.
Perhaps you are still sketchy about this whole idea, you are defensive, that's alright. I can be pretty defensive sometimes too and not wanting to accept new ideas, I know that feeling. But lets use a popular model we can all refer to.
If Brad Pitt or George Clooney came up and talked with you, would he hesitate at all to shake your hand and introduce himself?
No.
He knows he's the shit and half of the world knows it too. You don't have to be George Clooney, but you can have the same confidence and charming aura as him.
The world is for the taking, my friend.
JC, I said. Then he said He likes me, we should get married. The two Persian girls joked and went along with it and said no, they were married and put her head on the other. I loved this joke, I think it's funny as fuck and shows how confident you are seeing how guys are always so insecure about it, so I put my arms around the guy and said yeah, this is my new boyfriend. We all laughed, the little brother, barely 12 said he wanted some pussy and that he was going to find some tonight. I chuckled, these kids are so confident.
Then the guy told me he was 15 as we all went to the cafe, I said bullshit. He said really, he is. (He is 15).
We had coffee and hung out and we had to go. I told him that he was one of the most friendliest and confident people I know and that he will have no trouble getting the ladies and having fun in college. I learned a lot from that kid, he has a memorizing aura of just personality and charm, and I realized that just by being more committed than the other person (in some cases A LOT more committed) it shows a great deal how confident you are.
Take today for example. I was getting lunch at the Kelly Dining hall on my campus, I got tavern-style Cod (some breaded fish) and a soup, I paid the lady and was on my way looking for somebody to sit next to (I never eat alone), when the soup slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor. A mustache-bearing man in a chef's uniform saw me drop the soup and told me that he's pretty sure I can get another one. I said thank you and explained to the cashier lady that my soup spilled, she wasn't happy about it and said only this time, that's why you get trays she said, next time I would have to pay for it. I got the soup and walked out, the chef saw me and smiled, and warmly said that that lady is just having a bad day, it's no big deal at all, he laughed. "Have a nice weekend."
I had the strangest feeling in my stomach to talk with the chef, for no reason at all, just the fact that I was really impressed the night before and something just intrigues me about these people.
At this point, I don't know much about these two amazing individuals. They are simply very, very committed to the interaction, perhaps without realizing it. But in an age where people are getting disinterested and spend more and more time in front of computers and becoming less socialized and more cautious, this gesture of friendliness and good faith gives your subconscious no choice but to return the warmth and feel comfortable with this person.
Often, a typical meeting with a stranger is more of a war of attrition then a friendly meeting. People look uncomfortable and feel uncomfortable because simply they aren't committed enough to the interaction. Should I shake his hand? Should I introduce myself now or in a minute? Should I tell him how awesome his Donald Duck Jacket is?
Or simply, you can stop all that bullshit and just do it. Stop thinking about what you want to do, just do the first thing on your mind. This stranger is your friend from elementary school and you grew up playing Scrabble together. How would you react to him? (Personally I'll give him a big hug, kind of like Johnny Saviour style)
It's funny, the universal rule of taking a risk or fortune favors the bold applies extremely well here. Don't think about what that person thinks, just introduce yourself with a big smile and ask for his name, he will DEFINITELY like you and think you are a confident, and amazing person with alot going for you (maybe it's not true, but who cares, he thinks you are, and you are, you're reading my blog ;p )
I mentioned first impressions in an earlier post, it still holds true that you NEVER JUDGE BY FIRST IMPRESSIONS. But people don't know that, and even you won't ever completely stop judging because you are human. So why not take this to our advantage and make people like us instantly?
How awesome would that be? Just by simply being more committed to the other person and willing to share yourself. It's going to be a bit scary at first, it is for me, I am going to practice just being really committed in the next few weeks too, breaking out of my own comfort zone. This may be the secret to being a great conversationalist. Think of all the things you can achieve, business meetings, social gatherings, just any situation you can think of where you meet new people.
Perhaps you are still sketchy about this whole idea, you are defensive, that's alright. I can be pretty defensive sometimes too and not wanting to accept new ideas, I know that feeling. But lets use a popular model we can all refer to.
If Brad Pitt or George Clooney came up and talked with you, would he hesitate at all to shake your hand and introduce himself?
No.
He knows he's the shit and half of the world knows it too. You don't have to be George Clooney, but you can have the same confidence and charming aura as him.
The world is for the taking, my friend.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Mouthwash
I have to post this to get it off my head and share this wonderful drink recipe with you guys because I know that in the morning I will be thinking of pulling my phone off the charger and deciding which week-old shirt is the cleanest to put on and forget about this. Here goes, the parts are generally right but you can adjust according to your sanitary tastes. It's minty, it's tasty. Enjoy!
Mouthwash
1 Martini Glass (Or those Jack and Coke sized glasses will work)
1/3's part Creme De Menthe (Preferably Green)
2/3's Ginger Ale
A dash of Sprite
Serve on the rocks. Not Recommended for actual dental hygiene.
Thoughts, comments!
Mouthwash
1 Martini Glass (Or those Jack and Coke sized glasses will work)
1/3's part Creme De Menthe (Preferably Green)
2/3's Ginger Ale
A dash of Sprite
Serve on the rocks. Not Recommended for actual dental hygiene.
Thoughts, comments!
Innocence Lost
Nobody is as they seem, and the most innocent ones are often not.
You can only truly learn about a person through their actions, never through words. I have learned that the hard way, and NEVER judge by first impression.
I feel like I am behind the times by a world (even my own college) that lost it's innocence a long time ago, either that or it was a bunch of shit by the church or the powers what be to keep us from getting what we really want and achieve.
My parents wern't quite so innocent either, but they raised me to be good.
What I want and what you and I think of sometimes we would never dare tell the person next to us, our desires are suppressed. We fantasize about having sex in the elevator most of the time.
But our will for good deeds and helping people will never die.
Fuck snobby people who tell you what's right, who calls people sluts and fags, who tells you not to curse. That world left us a long time ago.
It's time to be ambitious and free as we will ever be.
You can only truly learn about a person through their actions, never through words. I have learned that the hard way, and NEVER judge by first impression.
I feel like I am behind the times by a world (even my own college) that lost it's innocence a long time ago, either that or it was a bunch of shit by the church or the powers what be to keep us from getting what we really want and achieve.
My parents wern't quite so innocent either, but they raised me to be good.
What I want and what you and I think of sometimes we would never dare tell the person next to us, our desires are suppressed. We fantasize about having sex in the elevator most of the time.
But our will for good deeds and helping people will never die.
Fuck snobby people who tell you what's right, who calls people sluts and fags, who tells you not to curse. That world left us a long time ago.
It's time to be ambitious and free as we will ever be.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The Pink Balloon
My blog is undergoing a new direction. I will share more about my life and my experiences, glimpses into my fiction writing and of course, becoming better with people and sharing adventures.
I am reaching for the pink balloon. Tomorrow I will share a piece of my journey.
I am reaching for the pink balloon. Tomorrow I will share a piece of my journey.
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Be Average - A Guide to Fucking Up
Be average, do your worst, go fuck it up as much as you could.
Yeah, not what you're mother, mentors or role models tells you eh? 95% of the readers of this note won't try this, but that 5% will try because they are desperate, will try anything, or already know the value of risk taking. Those are the people that ultimately succeed.
Your parents always tell you to do your best. Then the world expects you to act that way, be your best, be perfect.
Most people do their best; their living is a pressure cooker. There is no room for error, therefore, there is no room for taking a chance and making it big.
Then we have the ones who expect to go fuck it up and they want to fuck it up and take the biggest risk, then get rewarded for it in spades (Bill Gates, Einstein, don't tell me). Tell me something, how did you meet a girl you like and she liked you back? You took a motherfuckin risk, because if you wanted it to be perfect, you would have never talked to her.
"She is perfect without me, I'll just go fuck it up" you may say.
I am using this to meet people mostly, every time I try too hard to be perfect, the conversation is boring and nobody is having fun and she excuses herself. Those times I have fun, don't care, throw a scarf on her face, steal her purse, hook her arm, throw her on the bed, and just generally didn't give a shit, and try to fuck it up as worst as possible, I succeeded.
I am theorizing how to apply this phenomenon to other real life tasks, which I’m sure there are many places to apply. Imagine the world if everybody tried to be perfect, we would be in a perfectly perfect stone age and eating Elephant steaks and debating how perfect everything is and rejecting the neighbor's shiny new Bronze spears. (They eventually got wiped out) Our world advances on risk takers and fuckups.
Go fuck up too man, stop being perfect. Women don't like safe and calculated guys, they're creepy. They like somebody who gives HER the chance to reject them, but they don't because they realize how much balls it takes and that’s confidence.
People obsess over a girl for years and try to use their PhD. smarts to figure out 20 different ways to tell a girl how they really feel, meanwhile a brutish fuckup and risk taker bad boy who lives in his mom's basement is shagging the brains out of their dream girl.
You put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Be average, a bad comedian tries too hard and tries to be too clever. A good one doesn't give a shit whether the audience laughs or not and doesn't even try too hard, the audience knows this, loves this attitude and they laugh.
Women love confidence, and people secretly envy those who don't care.
Go be a fuckup and see where it takes you.
Yeah, not what you're mother, mentors or role models tells you eh? 95% of the readers of this note won't try this, but that 5% will try because they are desperate, will try anything, or already know the value of risk taking. Those are the people that ultimately succeed.
Your parents always tell you to do your best. Then the world expects you to act that way, be your best, be perfect.
Most people do their best; their living is a pressure cooker. There is no room for error, therefore, there is no room for taking a chance and making it big.
Then we have the ones who expect to go fuck it up and they want to fuck it up and take the biggest risk, then get rewarded for it in spades (Bill Gates, Einstein, don't tell me). Tell me something, how did you meet a girl you like and she liked you back? You took a motherfuckin risk, because if you wanted it to be perfect, you would have never talked to her.
"She is perfect without me, I'll just go fuck it up" you may say.
I am using this to meet people mostly, every time I try too hard to be perfect, the conversation is boring and nobody is having fun and she excuses herself. Those times I have fun, don't care, throw a scarf on her face, steal her purse, hook her arm, throw her on the bed, and just generally didn't give a shit, and try to fuck it up as worst as possible, I succeeded.
I am theorizing how to apply this phenomenon to other real life tasks, which I’m sure there are many places to apply. Imagine the world if everybody tried to be perfect, we would be in a perfectly perfect stone age and eating Elephant steaks and debating how perfect everything is and rejecting the neighbor's shiny new Bronze spears. (They eventually got wiped out) Our world advances on risk takers and fuckups.
Go fuck up too man, stop being perfect. Women don't like safe and calculated guys, they're creepy. They like somebody who gives HER the chance to reject them, but they don't because they realize how much balls it takes and that’s confidence.
People obsess over a girl for years and try to use their PhD. smarts to figure out 20 different ways to tell a girl how they really feel, meanwhile a brutish fuckup and risk taker bad boy who lives in his mom's basement is shagging the brains out of their dream girl.
You put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Be average, a bad comedian tries too hard and tries to be too clever. A good one doesn't give a shit whether the audience laughs or not and doesn't even try too hard, the audience knows this, loves this attitude and they laugh.
Women love confidence, and people secretly envy those who don't care.
Go be a fuckup and see where it takes you.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Becoming Emo - A How To
I was watching the blinking cursor of editing the facebook status, thinking of how to best be clever or be easily understood, and it just hit me that all this, myspace, facebook, match.com, dating profiles, autobiographies, books, people, conversations is just one way or another to tell somebody how we are feeling and understand us.
All this we do, all this attempt to put ourselves out on the internet in thousands of potential eyes and all the power that people try to muster through war or being a great warlord, is just a further attempt to make sure people understand who we are.
It's a great feeling we can all identify with right away, remember when our parents were busy and they ignored us while they were on the phone, and your favorite aunt or uncle comes in and swoops you off your feet and takes you to buy ice cream?
We remember them forever and we consider them the best uncle or aunt not because they brought us ice cream or swoops us off our feet, but because they understood us, they gave us attention and told us it was alright to be ourselves. Then of course, they rewarded us for it.
As we grow older, we form a shield around us as our parents and peers tell us what is wrong and what is right, what is cool and what is uncool. We refrain and become protective of our egos because suddenly the world tells us we cannot be OURSELVES anymore. We have to act how other people act to be accepted. We get older and older and it gets worst, instead of going around and questioning, exploring, playing, we stand in public, staring into space and fearing doing anything that can cause embarassment.
What does this have to do with being emo you ask? I don't think what I am actually talking about has to do with that certain subculture than the exact word "emotion". But since it is prove that it is another pressure in society NOT to be emo and weird, I can pretty much use that term without much problem. This has nothing to do with cutting your wrists, hear me out.
Lets go back to the myspace, why do people try so hard to post sexy pictures and write beautiful poems and keep us updated on our status ever hour?
Think back to that child you were, that playful human being, full of grace. You questioned everything and everybody because you were curious, adults didn't ask you to stop and they would smile because they knew you were a child, you didn't know any better.
I don't think those adults are any more developed or "mature" than the child, in fact I think the opposite. I think the child is closer to being HUMAN as we are ever going to get. We aren't restricted yet, we aren't told whats wrong and we are just experiencing bliss and acceptance. We don't need to lose weight, follow diet plans, get good grades, make a ton of money, marry a beautiful women, the mid life crisis Porsche. We are free, we live on pure, unfiltered 100% emotion, we are happy. We don't need any those things.
What happened that we dropped all these materials, restrictions, and rules in front of us that would limit our happiness so much?
I think I am very fortunate to come that that realization lately during my study of the social arts and psychology (for fun). I am glad i realize that before I grew any older and that shield continues to harden and god forbid think that the Porsche will make me truly any happier.
I didn't get mad when I found out. I actually grew very optimistic, very happy, accepting and forgiving of people and their behavior. I walked down the mall with my buddy Anthony in New Jersey and hopped around the mall as we sang songs, that being one of the greatest moments of development in my life.
I say, go out there. Go tell a person, a fellow friend, a bum on the street that you understand them. You don't have to tell them straight off, you can just listen to them. Listening is a lost art anyways. Go become closer to being human as you ever been by letting go, be a child. Question things, act like a dork. Talk to people about EMOTIONS, relate, compliment.
Fight that shield, that ego, that embarassment in public. I did that for a whole year. I also compliment strangers and cute girls on something that ever catches my eye, they wear that item for a reason you know. They want to be accepted and understood too.. just the same reason they have a myspace.
I am tired and I am going to sleep while my suitemates are playing poker. This is my rant and wisdom to the folks that choose to read and stay with this. I cannot tell you to do anything you don't want, but I hope at least this encouraged you to have a smile on your face or even better, to put a smile on a person's face tomorrow. I hope I can make one more person happier, to become a kid again, fuck that shield.
I hope you smile, I believe in you, you are a beautiful person. And I hope we meet sometime in this life.
All this we do, all this attempt to put ourselves out on the internet in thousands of potential eyes and all the power that people try to muster through war or being a great warlord, is just a further attempt to make sure people understand who we are.
It's a great feeling we can all identify with right away, remember when our parents were busy and they ignored us while they were on the phone, and your favorite aunt or uncle comes in and swoops you off your feet and takes you to buy ice cream?
We remember them forever and we consider them the best uncle or aunt not because they brought us ice cream or swoops us off our feet, but because they understood us, they gave us attention and told us it was alright to be ourselves. Then of course, they rewarded us for it.
As we grow older, we form a shield around us as our parents and peers tell us what is wrong and what is right, what is cool and what is uncool. We refrain and become protective of our egos because suddenly the world tells us we cannot be OURSELVES anymore. We have to act how other people act to be accepted. We get older and older and it gets worst, instead of going around and questioning, exploring, playing, we stand in public, staring into space and fearing doing anything that can cause embarassment.
What does this have to do with being emo you ask? I don't think what I am actually talking about has to do with that certain subculture than the exact word "emotion". But since it is prove that it is another pressure in society NOT to be emo and weird, I can pretty much use that term without much problem. This has nothing to do with cutting your wrists, hear me out.
Lets go back to the myspace, why do people try so hard to post sexy pictures and write beautiful poems and keep us updated on our status ever hour?
Think back to that child you were, that playful human being, full of grace. You questioned everything and everybody because you were curious, adults didn't ask you to stop and they would smile because they knew you were a child, you didn't know any better.
I don't think those adults are any more developed or "mature" than the child, in fact I think the opposite. I think the child is closer to being HUMAN as we are ever going to get. We aren't restricted yet, we aren't told whats wrong and we are just experiencing bliss and acceptance. We don't need to lose weight, follow diet plans, get good grades, make a ton of money, marry a beautiful women, the mid life crisis Porsche. We are free, we live on pure, unfiltered 100% emotion, we are happy. We don't need any those things.
What happened that we dropped all these materials, restrictions, and rules in front of us that would limit our happiness so much?
I think I am very fortunate to come that that realization lately during my study of the social arts and psychology (for fun). I am glad i realize that before I grew any older and that shield continues to harden and god forbid think that the Porsche will make me truly any happier.
I didn't get mad when I found out. I actually grew very optimistic, very happy, accepting and forgiving of people and their behavior. I walked down the mall with my buddy Anthony in New Jersey and hopped around the mall as we sang songs, that being one of the greatest moments of development in my life.
I say, go out there. Go tell a person, a fellow friend, a bum on the street that you understand them. You don't have to tell them straight off, you can just listen to them. Listening is a lost art anyways. Go become closer to being human as you ever been by letting go, be a child. Question things, act like a dork. Talk to people about EMOTIONS, relate, compliment.
Fight that shield, that ego, that embarassment in public. I did that for a whole year. I also compliment strangers and cute girls on something that ever catches my eye, they wear that item for a reason you know. They want to be accepted and understood too.. just the same reason they have a myspace.
I am tired and I am going to sleep while my suitemates are playing poker. This is my rant and wisdom to the folks that choose to read and stay with this. I cannot tell you to do anything you don't want, but I hope at least this encouraged you to have a smile on your face or even better, to put a smile on a person's face tomorrow. I hope I can make one more person happier, to become a kid again, fuck that shield.
I hope you smile, I believe in you, you are a beautiful person. And I hope we meet sometime in this life.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
A Bootcamp Experience with MyBirthdayPony
I went out this weekend in Jersey with MyBirthdayPony. I had the weekend of my life and I felt I evolved as a person and my charisma that I didn't know existed before blossomed. I won't say no more though, here is the full Field Report for my readers. Enjoy, its a bit long, but it's so worth it.
---
FR: A Weekend with MyBirthdayPony
by theScribe
I been a devoted reader to Anthony’s (MBP) How to Get Girls blog for a few months now. It was like a breath of fresh air from all the blogs that are either full of bragging or just dull. He writes in a way that appeals both to a curious browser looking for dating tips or a seasoned pickup artist. Anthony speaks to you as if he respects you, does nothing to belittle you, and you already are in the know. After reading his blog for a few months, I decided to personally thank him for his effort and messaged him a Thank you for his wonderful blog.
I was surprised to find him reply the next morning and we had a little chat. He gave me his number to call him to speak to him personally. I asked him some questions and he would answer it with gusto in his voice as if he lived to learn about social dynamics and share his wisdom with others. I started calling him often and once he even had me approach pretty girls at my college with my cellphone in my hand so he can hear what the girl and I was saying. Besides being my mentor, he was a great friend that encouraged me even when I was down on myself. In December he invited me to his home for the weekend, I postponed it to January when I had more free time. He said he wanted to treat it like a bootcamp and to help me out with picking up women and overcome my fears.
I want to share that experience with you guys, here it is:
Friday:
Friday was the shortest day because I had to arrive in the evening coming back from ice skating. I got lost on the NJT train and flew pass my stop and about a long half an hour later, Anthony drove by and flashed his headlights, I approached cautiously and recognized a familiar face (this was the second time we would meet in person). Apparently he was late to a New Jersey Devils game that he had an extra ticket for, and as we sped off to the game, Anthony told me about this book he had been reading lately that helped him a lot. The book was called Impro, he went over a few quotes from the book and shared some of the knowledge he obtained from it.
We arrived at the hockey game, long story short, we almost died when the hockey players slammed into our panel and cracked the glass and the Devils won against the Thrashers 2-1. We decided to hook up with two of Anthony’s friends and head to a hookah bar afterwards to chill and perhaps get a few approaches in.
The place was awesome, a modern looking lounge with live musicians stirring up the crowd and full of cheery college students. We met up with Anthony’s friend, Brittany and her friend Jenn (Anthony had only briefly met Jenn and never talked with her before) and was lead to the back VIP style as Brittany use to work there as a manager. I greeted the two Arab guys standing there (they later told me they were Egyptian) and we sat down on the stairs as Brittany made us drinks. Anthony was flirting with Jenn as I was chatting up the Egyptian brothers who was related to the owner (one of them was named Abraham). This isn’t too much directly related to picking up girls, but I do notice one thing in the culture difference as the Abraham was passionately telling me about his 10 years in America and handling his American, now divorced wife when they were together. I noticed as he talked that he stood about half an arms distance away (almost touching my nose), I felt like he was very confident of himself and I felt a closer bond to him as I spoke. Comfort zones are a big thing in any given social interaction, and vary from country to country. Learn from it.
Anthony was now chatting up the waitresses who seemed to be taking a break all at once, I spoke to Jenn and since I saw how confident Abraham was, I decided to sit very close to her and get some kino going. I talked about school stuff and other things I don’t remember, but it wasn’t much. She seemed to feel very comfortable with me and that in turn made me comfortable. Brittany came by later and used my shoulder as a stepping stone as she went up the stairs, something which I take as why she is friends with Anthony, a girl that doesn’t give a rats ass about what people think of her is a very sexy thing indeed.
Anthony signaled me outside to talk and get some fresh air. I am having a blast so far in the night and we didn’t even approach any sets yet, I think Anthony wanted to make me feel comfortable on the first night and warm up to speaking with friends of friends first before I am thrown into the lions den which I am sure of tomorrow. He was acting like his confident and fun self and took Jenn’s jacket which looked alarmingly small on him, I gave him my leather jacket and he stacked that on too.
He went to check out the bar next door with this crazy outfit and in front there was this AMOG with slicked back hair standing at the front door, I didn’t see exactly what happened, but Anthony said he touched his jacket and told Brittany that it was a really cool style, then turned around and asked the guy where he got it, the AMOG said a friend. The guy got really threatened and didn’t smile at all and did his standing up tough and alpha male thing and said “So you want my number now right?”
Anthony realized what was going on, and he wasn’t about to let an AMOG ruin our moods, so he smiled and told him that he wanted to know him better before he got his number. Anthony walked away and we made a few jokes about the guy and laughed it off, there is no such thing as an AMOG to Anthony. We went back inside and Abraham invited me to with him as the employees were eating and offered me some food, I spoke with him and introduced myself to some more people as I watched Anthony and Jenn on the couches.
I didn’t expect to learn much this night, but I went over to Anthony and Jenn and I realize that he was putting the moves on her. I sat down and we all had our feet up high. It was a very playful convo, and the kino was at an all time high. Anthony said I was in the “cool club” and if she wanted in she would have to do certain things, so they did a few games and stuff, Anthony kept asking things and acting like its not a big deal. He put her leg over his (she has a BF) and she asked if this was part of the “cool thing” that she has to do, he said yes, and they continued to flirt. Jenn did some flirting too, she massaged Anthony’s knee and then my knee too. The atmosphere was sexually charged even as Brittany was having a noisy employee meeting on the table next to us.
I always had trouble knowing what to do when a girl is alone with me, I learned so much about sexual escalation that night when I least expected to. The most important thing is making it NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL, and the girl will follow, because an alpha leads by example. I had met great people that night, and had a blast, I wasn’t sure if Anthony intended it to be part of the boot camp, but I had already learned so much just from watching, it is a very rare opportunity to actually see sexual vibe and escalation in action (for obvious reasons) and I was happy to see it first hand how Anthony does it.
That night, we went back to his dad’s house in the suburbs and he went over the "Impro" book with me, reading the passages he had bookmarked that was relevant to game and I highly recommend the book too as I am going to get a copy ASAP.
One of the things the book teaches is to BE AVERAGE. And it is this mindset that drives us to perform our best. If a rookie comedian is trying to be really funny and want to REALLY impress the audience, he has already put a mass amount of pressure on himself to perform, and this pressure leads to nervousness because we want to be perfect. If you have a mindset where you want just want to be average, you give yourself some breathing space and you will actually perform better.
One can identify when we try TOO hard to be funny and having nobody laugh; I realize that the times people crack up are when I didn’t even realize I had cracked a joke. The same works in pickup, don’t try too hard to think of what routines or words you should say, be organic, don’t be a perfect robot. Make mistakes.
Another thing that really stood out for me was the circle of expectation. Whether being on stage as a comedian or being in a conversation with a pretty girl, one has to keep the routine or convo in the circle of expectation. Instead of finding the most unique or great material to talk about, take the regular conversation that is “dull” and “mundane” and turn it into gold. For example, if a good comedian and a bad comedian was asked to make a joke about Mars. The bad comedian would say something like, “Omg, its my mother!”, where as the good comedian keeps within the circle of expectation and jokes about more obvious things like the weather on mars or martian hats. The mother joke is so far out of the audience’s circle of expectation that they cannot identify, let along laugh at it. It immediately comes off as try hard.
We went over some other things that night too, but for the sake of keeping length and not having my brain overload, Mybirthdaypony will do a blog on that. Go read the book too, “Impro” and “Impro for storytellers”. I fell asleep on the couch at 4 am. that night.
Saturday:
This was definitely the most stressful but educational day of the weekend. It felt like the pain stage, and definitely one of the hardest things to overcome is social anxiety. We left the house at about 12 and Anthony went over a few things in the car and the whole time I was nervous what he was about to do to me. Stopping at what Anthony calls a “High Quality fast food” sandwich shop, Anthony sometimes scares me how much he doesn't care about what people think of him. He started singing loudly when he walked into the store, perhaps to make me more comfortable and realizing that nobody really cares. He had me do the first exercise, as we waited for our orders, he worked on my body language and not to be scared of people around you when chatting up a hot girl -- in fact, you WANT them to hear you. We were chatting and Anthony suddenly jumped to the next table to ask them about their sandwich and sat with them for a few pleasantries and came back.
“See? You shouldn’t be scared of the people around you; they aren’t as scary as you think. In fact, you WANT them to hear you!”
He wanted to work on my approach body language, so he told me to walk over to the counter and walk back and greet HIM as if I were a stranger. I felt really stupid and insecure with all these people around me watching me (most of them aren’t btw), but he was the birthdaypony and you don’t say no to that. I made the first approach, walked up and then no words came out of my mouth, he said start over again, I approached and said hi, it didn’t feel right, MBP said I was too robotic. I kept doing this, and kept doing it, and kept doing it, each time feeling less self conscious and more confident and eventually, he said something that really clicked.
“Walk up to me like you are my friend and you just found me here.”
I thought how I would approach my friend, and then I braced for impact.
JC: Hey! *punch shoulder* I know you!
MBP: You do?
JC: Yeah!
MBP: Really? From where?
JC: I don’t know, you look so familiar…
MBP: Maybe
JC: Gosh, you look too familiar
MBP: Well, sit down anyway and remind me.
Anthony said that although I didn’t really know him, I had an intriguing enough of a presence for him to invite me to sit down, he said he also liked the little friendly punch in the beginning which made him feel comfortable and me looking very amiable. The other approaches I threw my scarf over his head, and just felt more and more confident. The secret is, you have to already KNOW this person and they will in turn feel comfortable with you. Commitment. Instead of being a robot and doing what’s appropriate and nice or having what the community telling you what to do, you should put as much COMMITMENT into your approaches as possible.
“Go and be so much YOU that it oozes out of your f**k pores.”
CHARISMA is the essence of a successful approach, because realize that what attracts girls in the first place, is not what’s cool or what’s right, but letting her know that you are different from all the other men because you can display charisma to them. The sandwich and soup were pretty good, Anthony played with some kid and their parents and we left for the mall.
I slammed the door of Anthony’s car and tried to pump myself up as we walked towards the scary mall. I was feeling nervous and I know this Birthdaypony is going to make me do a lot of things I don’t want to. I been in the community for over a year and the reason I haven’t been even close to average yet is that I been fearing and dodging (and instead KJing) all this time. There is no other way to get better except getting out there and facing the fear head on.
Anthony probably sensed my fear and all of a sudden, he grabbed my hand and proceeded to skip in great strides through the mall all while yelling out in a high childish voice, "Yayyy!!” I was a little hesitant at first but I started skipping too and it put me in a silly, happy, not give any shit mood, which was exactly what I needed. The mall security guard walking by couldn’t help but laugh, people were staring at us as we were obviously making a scene but I didn’t care. Anthony wanted to put a smile on people’s faces and put me in a relaxed mood as well. You can do whatever you want, and it is up honestly up to you what YOU think of it, nobody stopped us or neither did we hurt anybody’s feelings.
I felt a bit more comfortable and then we went right to work. We walked into the CVS inside the mall, and Anthony made his first demonstration. (I am going to tell it as it is and not make it sound like Anthony pumped me full of go happy medicine)
He went right up and chatted up a cute girl looking at shampoo, I wasn’t sure what he said because I was down the aisle pretending to look at some women’s conditioner, he said something, she said something, and then I chuckled when Anthony took a bottle of hand cream right off the shelve, squirted some on his hand and said “Oh, I don’t know why I did that” The girl said she didn’t know why either. It was hilarious, perfect warm up set. So Anthony proceeded on, with cream smeared hands and hooked the elbow of an older girl and her friend with a big smile and asked what they were shopping for.
I noticed that a big commitment like that (JM emphasizes full commitment) actually LOWERED their guard and showed the girls just how charismatic and confident Anthony really was. Perhaps unconsciously he was demonstrating that you don’t have to be all perfect (Remember, BE AVERAGE!) and that even the legendary Birthdaypony does silly stuff and messes up sometimes (yeah like the hand cream… what was THAT about?)
They had a brief chat and exchanged a few laughs and Anthony said goodbye. He said it was my turn to shine, I thought it was time to bury my head.
He walked me to this set and I didn’t approach, so he walked over to them and said the first thing that was in his mind. He didn’t plan the approach (planning leads to hesitation, BE AVERAGE, Be spontaneous, be IMPERFECT!)
so he simply asked the girl holding a can of Red Bull, “Is that the bigger sized Red Bull?”
They exchanged pleasantries and Anthony asked her if he can have one, she gave him hers, but the Pony wanted more and asked her to bring him one from over there. He was holding hers and smeared hand cream all over hers (I’m wondering what she thought as she started drinking it later on) as he was talking to the HBRedBull’s friend. She came back and Anthony had the girls introduce themselves to me. After a bit more laughs and exchanges, I was sitting back and feeling a bit shy as the pony asked what they were doing afterwards. They said they were going to meet up with their friends upstairs, Anthony said he wanted to meet their friends too and go shop with them and we walked with them.
I was surprised how easily it was to get people to do stuff when you ask like it’s no big deal. We followed them upstairs and met their friends, these two other girls (bringing our combined group to 4 girls and 2 guys) and it felt a bit awkward following Anthony and introducing myself to them (its always more natural when you are the one leading). We all went into a hip-hop style clothing store and we looked around for a bit. Anthony came over to me and told me he was going ignore them for a while to see if they leave to test their commitment. They left not surprisingly; I didn’t feel these girls are that great anyway. We went off to another part of the mall and Anthony told me that I had to approach for every one he does.
I did a few half assed approaches which mostly I ejected myself after asking a question. I don’t remember much of them in detail, but it wasn’t until the 5 or 6 of the probably 10 I did that day that I started to get into the rhythm of it and hated it less. Anthony kept telling me to try and venue change and get more commitment from them (Compliance in other words) I asked these girls to go shopping with me at the Sharper Image and we went around the store to look at some stuff. The conversation stalled out and so I stalled and left.
The best interaction I had that day was at this cooking supplies store. I was feeling a little better and spotted a girl wearing to me what looks like really cute Pajama pants. I opened her with curiosity and she seemed surprisingly into the conversation. I made sure I kinoed her a lot and moved her around for a bit, then I took her around the store a little to look at things, but she eventually met up with her mom and I introduced myself to mom and ejected. That one was the best one of the day, the one I started to really ENJOY and not have it feel like work.
Anthony and I took a break for some burritos, and I forgot to mention the whole day he was throwing compliments at passing people and playfully chatting up kids, I like that giving mentality. Pickup is something that only works when you are giving and not thinking of yourself. I realize that even though I didn’t get further with that girl, I hope at least I would have made her feel great about her choice of silly Pajama pants that day.
We went back later that day and went over a few more things in the car and then for almost two hours at his house, mostly about relating and rewarding. He hit me with a topic and I would try to relate on it, we did some role playing where we would each take turns to be the girl and approach each other. This was probably one of the most useful exercises I did on the weekend and it really hit me when he told me that I relate on the EMOTION and not the topic as I been doing all my life.
For example, when a girl says that she likes music, you shouldn’t relate about the music itself but the emotions that you associate with music. People relate to emotions, and it doesn’t matter if you have the most detailed story about the time you went to an Incubus concert, if it lacks emotional content for people to relate to, the listener will doze off and perhaps only listen to you out of respect.
Another major thing I learned and realized, which is just as ESSENTIAL to your game is that you make the conversation about YOU AND HER, not brother, friend, mother, or Anthony. Don’t relate with something about your friend did or your brother did, relate with something you personally felt! The Key to good game.
We were set for night game but when we got there, all of the bars at Morristown card and we were disappointed. At the diner that night over my meatloaf, Anthony made me promise him that since that we didn’t do night game; I would have to step up my game to compensate for it.
I feel like the week is far from over as I dive further into the rabbit hole.
Sunday:
Today was the day I felt like I broke out of the cocoon and did what I thought was impossible. I felt like I had evolved as a person.
We drove to the Ocean County Mall, the fabled place where some of the hottest girls of New Jersey hang out. The drive from Randolph to Ocean County took about an hour and a half and on this ride Anthony went over another exercise that seriously had a great impact on my game. It was a game that teaches you how to relate to an emotion. He would say a certain emotion (Nervousness, Fear, Excitement, etc) and I would have to scan my brain for an experience with that emotion and tell it to him. The second exercise was him telling me a statement, and I would have to find the emotion in that statement and tell him a similar experience with that emotion.
I did this for most of the car ride and it helped me so much. It made me realize a fatal flaw in my game that I could now kill. I was being too wordy and telling the listeners every detail and fact of a story when I was just putting the listener to sleep. Good stories aren’t the most detailed ones; they are the ones that have raw emotional content. I go see movies for the same reason, I realize I can trim so much from a paragraph to a sentence or two and still have the same or even more powerful effect. It was such a big realization for me in my relating skills.
The most effective public speakers and conversationalists aren’t the most long winded, they are the ones that make it the shortest and sweetest it can possibly be.
We arrived at the mall as Anthony went on about all the dense population of cute girls here, he said, there was so many cute girls, even the shy guys get hot girlfriends. From what I saw at the mall that day, that was indeed a fact. I saw fat and totally fuggly guys hooked up with sexy girls, it made me kind of nervous, but that’s a part of my education baby! We went into the store and Anthony wanted to work a bit on my body language because of my patented, signature “JC tiptoe” when I approach a hot girl. He made me take up space and swing my arms that I felt air between my arms and walk as if I my arms and legs were extended five times their length and simply needed to move stuff aside just to move any where, it reminds me of how Clint Eastwood would walk as he is ready to draw his peacemaker. So it’s sort of like a very friendly version of Mr. Eastwood minus the pistols. We were off to the main mall section and ready to rumble.
We walked into a video store where Anthony came behind a sales girl and playfully taught her how to smile correctly for the customers walking in, some hugs ensued, and the girl said that she was cool too and showed Anthony that she can hug as well as her coworker can, really cool stuff. Making the world a better place.
It wasn’t approach anxiety, but sort of an approach indifference that I felt hit me. I was so pumped and nervous to come to the mall and now that I am actually here I feel a bit lazy. I kind of felt like I done enough yesterday, Anthony wouldn’t let that inner voice take over me, so he tried to make me comfortable and we rested for a Texas Whopper at BK.
We got our food and Anthony said a few things that eased me a bit, he even purposely opened the table behind us with two teenage girls and got rejected on purpose. He said accept the fact of not doing perfect things, make the worst happen, try to make an interaction by not thinking about yourself, instead think of others and try to make them happy. Make them feel happy to come to Ocean County mall that day. There was a girl with a good cleavage showing sitting behind us, I was thinking of approaching her, but thought against it. I didn’t realize Anthony had noticed her already a while ago as we sat down, he went up and sat down with her.
"I am going to sit down with you," he said.
She had an “um… ok” face at first, Anthony then asked “How’s work?” and eventually smoothed her out for the conversation. They were sitting across from each other so there wasn’t much possibility for kino. She worked at the Macy’s in the mall and was telling him how bad her boss was and when she made her cry after Anthony said how all bosses are bad. MBP continued to escalate the conversation by using sort of an SOI, telling her how he found her earrings really sexy. She seemed to jump at this and then Anthony used a sexual barrier as he was getting up to leave:
MBP: I would ask you out, but you said you have a boyfriend.
HBCleavage: But, its not working out right now!
I remembered she had a smile on her face as she said that, it was beautiful. Anthony said he purposely used textbook Charisma Arts method to show that this stuff actually works. And I am seeing in first person of how wonderful it all gels together in reality. Relating, Sexual barriers, SOI, it was amazing to see it in action -- all in 5 minutes!
I finally made an approach after grabbing my balls and walking into Express. Anthony warned me, you are not getting out of this store without making your first approach. He then walked off with an expectant swagger and I felt the pressure. This was game time. Stalking the gazelle or making people happy, I choose. There was a cute Spanish girl folding jeans in the back, she looked so bored, so unhappy, she needed an alpha male to bring a smile to her life, I am no longer the seductionist, I don’t want anything from her, so I won’t use any routines or anything like that, I am going to make the worst happen because if I can be her laughing stock of the day, at least I made one person happy. I happily approached, and this time I didn’t tiptoe.
JC: Do you really have to fold ALL those jeans?
HBJeans: *with a grin* Unfortunately, yes…
JC: Wow, how many more do you have to do?
HBJeans: *she walked over to the pile* This whole thing.
JC: No way, this job blows doesn’t it?
HBJeans: Yeah, it does.
JC: I remember the time I worked in a restaurant, it was such a shitty job with the customers yelling at me and spilling hot soup on my hands…
HBJeans: Ouch, where did you work?
JC: In Chinatown, in New York.
HBJeans: Wow, where do you live?
She seemed happy that she had somebody to speak with as she did her folding, I actually felt less comfortable standing there than her, so I plopped myself next to her so I can get some kino going and see how much more fun I can have with her. I was chatting her up, and I saw Anthony doing his innocent shopping and examining my approach, I introduce them to each other, her name was Melissa and Anthony hugged her and then walked off with a “I’ll leave you two alone to talk more”.
I talked with this girl, her accent was tickling my ears, and I was mesmerized by her highlights in her hair which I imagined flowing like in those cheesy movies. Anthony came by and whispered me to come over, he told me to kino more, escalate, SOI. I went in there and I wasn’t sure how to do an SOI, so I asked her about the jeans because I was genuinely interested how girls tell from a pair of good jeans to bad. She recommended me some styles and taught me some stuff, and she even turned around to look at my ass to see if my jeans fit me well. I found that sexy, a spark of inspiration. I told her that a girl giving me fashion like that is very sexy, I said a few more things and then I told her I had to go. I met up with Anthony outside and pounded my fist in euphoria; it’s a feeling that’s indescribable. My first SOI to a total stranger!
I got high on that and we automatically spotted a super cute, petite girl with nice breasts. We turned 180 and started following her. Anthony dared me to approach her, I said no way, she was so hot. She stopped at the bookstore, and we went in there, I hesitated as Anthony physically pushed me towards her. I felt so stupid, but from that approach high, I saw her, TIP-TOED (Anthony told me later on), and asked her about the book in her hands. It went fairly well, she was into writing, I love girls who read, the bookish ones. Her voice was so soft and tiny and totally melted my heart.
JC: I am looking for something good to inspire my writing.
HBBooks: Oh, what kind of stuff do you write?
JC: Dorky stuff.
HBBooks: What kind of dorky stuff?
JC: Sci fi stuff mostly.
HBBooks: Well I heard of this poet, (Pablo something) who’s really good, but I can’t seem to find him here.
JC: Wow, do you write too?
HBBooks: Not really.
JC: I thought all cute girls think they can write really good poetry, *with a big smile, a semi SOI*
HBBooks: Well… *blush*
JC: Well tell you what, come to the poetry section with me so we can find it, *Kino
She followed me to the poetry section and she did indeed found the author, the conversation stalled a bit at this point and she said she had to go, I let her go, but the pleasure was mine. (I also looked through the book and I am going to pick up a copy of this).
I thought Anthony had intercepted her or something, but when I met up with him he said he didn’t, he wanted to know how my interaction went instead. We did a few more sets that didn’t work out so well, (plus one really embarrassing one of me asking for my cousin’s underwear advice at Victoria’s Secrets, I’m keeping that one for me, sorry ) but I felt they were of a MUCH higher quality than yesterday and I actually stayed in set for 3 all the way to 20 minutes at a time and had a lot of fun doing them.
Pickup started to become fun!
This is the last one I am posting; this was the last approach of the weekend and the masterpiece and highlight of my week. It is the pivotal point in my game, I enjoyed every darn second of this interaction, I didn’t want anything from her except to have fun with her, and I approached her without hesitation. Here goes it:
It was towards the end of the day about half an hour before the mall was closing, I sat down with Anthony on some couches to take a break. I sat for less than one minute, then the pony made me jump out of my seat. He looked at his watch and I almost saw an evil grin.
“You have three minutes to approach, starting now, go.”
What? Really? I got up and weakly walked around while Anthony was flirting with some girls sitting next to him. I spotted Victoria Secrets and ran away, and then I went into the Gap and walked around, nothing. I spotted the familiar Old Navy; at least inside I’ll feel a bit more comfortable in there (higher end shops like AE or Abercrombie make me nervous). I walked in, expecting nothing to pop up, but there she was at the corner of my eye. A shapely brunette (my favorite!) beauty with a scarlet red scarf browsing some cute looking chili shoes. I strided to her confidently, my feet actually getting more and more excited with each passing step.
JC: I don’t know how you do that…
HBScarlett: What do you mean?
JC: That scarf, it’s so hottttt in here! *with a big smile
HBScarlett: Oh… oh… well it’s not that hot.
JC: I like that scarf, I noticed you, it’s so cute!
HBScarlett: Well thank you, I knitted it myself.
JC: Omg, how long must that have taken you?
HBScarlett: About a few months.
JC: I really like that you’re so patient to do something like that.
HBScarlett: Haha, thanks.
JC: Well, it looks so nice that I am going to try it on.
HBScarlett: Are you serious?
JC: Yep, take it off.
HBScarlett takes it off and hands it to me, I tie it on my neck.
JC: I love this thing, its so warm!
HBScarlett: What if you steal it?
JC: I will, but I don’t run that fast so you’ll probably catch me anyway (Thx Johnny!)
HBScarlett: *Laughs
JC: Well, I’m feeling a little lonely so let’s go shop together.
HBScarlett: Are you here alone?
JC: My friend is hanging around the mall somewhere doing his own thing, who are you here with?
HBScarlett: My brother.
JC: Oh, why isn’t he with you?
HBScarlett: He is at some other shop in the mall.
JC: Well, it looks like we are stuck in the same situation, we are going shopping.
I hooked her arm (thanks for inspiring me Anthony) and lifted my head up jokingly and she laughed.
I guided her around the store and decided I want to go to the men’s section.
HBScarlett: But I don’t shop there…
JC: Well you can help me look what looks good on me, lets go.
I put my clasped my hands on both of her shoulders from behind and playfully guided her around like an airplane. She can be my compass I said. We hit the men’s t-shirts and I looked around, the convo stalled a bit, and then as I was about to ask her a question she received a phone call, it was her brother telling her to regroup. She told me she had to go, I told her to give me a big hug and held out my arms expectantly, she surprised me because she gave me the tightest hug and held on longer than I expected. We separated ways and will remember our romantic interlude that day at Old navy. Au Revoir.
The mall was closing and Anthony decided to call it a day, but he thinks I can go further, he wants me to approach one more set before I leave. We spotted a lonely girl sitting at the food court, I hesitated and it didn’t felt right. I didn’t approach, but I was right, her boyfriend came by and sat down with her. It would make an interesting story though if he saw me sat down with her.
Ready for some dessert? We drove to the Jersey shoreline where Anthony’s mom lives to stay for the night, and as we were driving to this wicked eatery called Surf Taco, Anthony did an unexpected approach that I only see in romance novels, swept off her foot they say.
Long story short, we went to order taco and noticed this blonde girl that was the manager of the shop. She took our orders and Anthony didn’t even expected to pick her up. As we were waiting for the food to take out, he chatted her up casually as she was sweeping the floor and wiping the tables. The conversation was very basic but the kino was some of the most magical I ever saw.
One part that caught my interest is as Anthony was getting off the phone with someone in Surf Taco, he ended it loudly (so she could hear) with, "Alright, I want to go talk to this cute girl right now, bye," and then proceeded to go do so. Her eyes opened wide as he approached.
Anthony later told me that he felt it was on when she said he should come to an event/promotion they were having in the store soon. He rewarded her majorly as we got our salsa, and held on to her hand like a couple would. She leaned over and Anthony pulled her in and it looked straight out of a movie. Her number came out in a flash, we left her charmed and dazzled for the night.
PS: She txt msged Anthony that night, telling him that nobody was home and if he could come over. I didn’t know what happened because I was enjoying a game of scrabble with Anthony’s mom over a glass of wine and some beer, but he said that she was a very, very good girl type.
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We also recorded a few podcasts for your listening and learning pleasure, here goes.
DivShare File - Attraction.mp3
DivShare File - Relating__Being_average_and_original.mp3
DivShare File - Me_going_through_the_steps_of_conversatio.mp3
DivShare File - JC_practicing_approachi. Anthony - Part 2.mp3
DivShare File - Last_day.mp3
Guys (and Gals), its great having you as my readers. You guys bring me alot of motivation with your comments and it makes my journey in social dynamics even more worthwhile. Thank you for reading and listening in, I salute you.
JC
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FR: A Weekend with MyBirthdayPony
by theScribe
I been a devoted reader to Anthony’s (MBP) How to Get Girls blog for a few months now. It was like a breath of fresh air from all the blogs that are either full of bragging or just dull. He writes in a way that appeals both to a curious browser looking for dating tips or a seasoned pickup artist. Anthony speaks to you as if he respects you, does nothing to belittle you, and you already are in the know. After reading his blog for a few months, I decided to personally thank him for his effort and messaged him a Thank you for his wonderful blog.
I was surprised to find him reply the next morning and we had a little chat. He gave me his number to call him to speak to him personally. I asked him some questions and he would answer it with gusto in his voice as if he lived to learn about social dynamics and share his wisdom with others. I started calling him often and once he even had me approach pretty girls at my college with my cellphone in my hand so he can hear what the girl and I was saying. Besides being my mentor, he was a great friend that encouraged me even when I was down on myself. In December he invited me to his home for the weekend, I postponed it to January when I had more free time. He said he wanted to treat it like a bootcamp and to help me out with picking up women and overcome my fears.
I want to share that experience with you guys, here it is:
Friday:
Friday was the shortest day because I had to arrive in the evening coming back from ice skating. I got lost on the NJT train and flew pass my stop and about a long half an hour later, Anthony drove by and flashed his headlights, I approached cautiously and recognized a familiar face (this was the second time we would meet in person). Apparently he was late to a New Jersey Devils game that he had an extra ticket for, and as we sped off to the game, Anthony told me about this book he had been reading lately that helped him a lot. The book was called Impro, he went over a few quotes from the book and shared some of the knowledge he obtained from it.
We arrived at the hockey game, long story short, we almost died when the hockey players slammed into our panel and cracked the glass and the Devils won against the Thrashers 2-1. We decided to hook up with two of Anthony’s friends and head to a hookah bar afterwards to chill and perhaps get a few approaches in.
The place was awesome, a modern looking lounge with live musicians stirring up the crowd and full of cheery college students. We met up with Anthony’s friend, Brittany and her friend Jenn (Anthony had only briefly met Jenn and never talked with her before) and was lead to the back VIP style as Brittany use to work there as a manager. I greeted the two Arab guys standing there (they later told me they were Egyptian) and we sat down on the stairs as Brittany made us drinks. Anthony was flirting with Jenn as I was chatting up the Egyptian brothers who was related to the owner (one of them was named Abraham). This isn’t too much directly related to picking up girls, but I do notice one thing in the culture difference as the Abraham was passionately telling me about his 10 years in America and handling his American, now divorced wife when they were together. I noticed as he talked that he stood about half an arms distance away (almost touching my nose), I felt like he was very confident of himself and I felt a closer bond to him as I spoke. Comfort zones are a big thing in any given social interaction, and vary from country to country. Learn from it.
Anthony was now chatting up the waitresses who seemed to be taking a break all at once, I spoke to Jenn and since I saw how confident Abraham was, I decided to sit very close to her and get some kino going. I talked about school stuff and other things I don’t remember, but it wasn’t much. She seemed to feel very comfortable with me and that in turn made me comfortable. Brittany came by later and used my shoulder as a stepping stone as she went up the stairs, something which I take as why she is friends with Anthony, a girl that doesn’t give a rats ass about what people think of her is a very sexy thing indeed.
Anthony signaled me outside to talk and get some fresh air. I am having a blast so far in the night and we didn’t even approach any sets yet, I think Anthony wanted to make me feel comfortable on the first night and warm up to speaking with friends of friends first before I am thrown into the lions den which I am sure of tomorrow. He was acting like his confident and fun self and took Jenn’s jacket which looked alarmingly small on him, I gave him my leather jacket and he stacked that on too.
He went to check out the bar next door with this crazy outfit and in front there was this AMOG with slicked back hair standing at the front door, I didn’t see exactly what happened, but Anthony said he touched his jacket and told Brittany that it was a really cool style, then turned around and asked the guy where he got it, the AMOG said a friend. The guy got really threatened and didn’t smile at all and did his standing up tough and alpha male thing and said “So you want my number now right?”
Anthony realized what was going on, and he wasn’t about to let an AMOG ruin our moods, so he smiled and told him that he wanted to know him better before he got his number. Anthony walked away and we made a few jokes about the guy and laughed it off, there is no such thing as an AMOG to Anthony. We went back inside and Abraham invited me to with him as the employees were eating and offered me some food, I spoke with him and introduced myself to some more people as I watched Anthony and Jenn on the couches.
I didn’t expect to learn much this night, but I went over to Anthony and Jenn and I realize that he was putting the moves on her. I sat down and we all had our feet up high. It was a very playful convo, and the kino was at an all time high. Anthony said I was in the “cool club” and if she wanted in she would have to do certain things, so they did a few games and stuff, Anthony kept asking things and acting like its not a big deal. He put her leg over his (she has a BF) and she asked if this was part of the “cool thing” that she has to do, he said yes, and they continued to flirt. Jenn did some flirting too, she massaged Anthony’s knee and then my knee too. The atmosphere was sexually charged even as Brittany was having a noisy employee meeting on the table next to us.
I always had trouble knowing what to do when a girl is alone with me, I learned so much about sexual escalation that night when I least expected to. The most important thing is making it NOT SUCH A BIG DEAL, and the girl will follow, because an alpha leads by example. I had met great people that night, and had a blast, I wasn’t sure if Anthony intended it to be part of the boot camp, but I had already learned so much just from watching, it is a very rare opportunity to actually see sexual vibe and escalation in action (for obvious reasons) and I was happy to see it first hand how Anthony does it.
That night, we went back to his dad’s house in the suburbs and he went over the "Impro" book with me, reading the passages he had bookmarked that was relevant to game and I highly recommend the book too as I am going to get a copy ASAP.
One of the things the book teaches is to BE AVERAGE. And it is this mindset that drives us to perform our best. If a rookie comedian is trying to be really funny and want to REALLY impress the audience, he has already put a mass amount of pressure on himself to perform, and this pressure leads to nervousness because we want to be perfect. If you have a mindset where you want just want to be average, you give yourself some breathing space and you will actually perform better.
One can identify when we try TOO hard to be funny and having nobody laugh; I realize that the times people crack up are when I didn’t even realize I had cracked a joke. The same works in pickup, don’t try too hard to think of what routines or words you should say, be organic, don’t be a perfect robot. Make mistakes.
Another thing that really stood out for me was the circle of expectation. Whether being on stage as a comedian or being in a conversation with a pretty girl, one has to keep the routine or convo in the circle of expectation. Instead of finding the most unique or great material to talk about, take the regular conversation that is “dull” and “mundane” and turn it into gold. For example, if a good comedian and a bad comedian was asked to make a joke about Mars. The bad comedian would say something like, “Omg, its my mother!”, where as the good comedian keeps within the circle of expectation and jokes about more obvious things like the weather on mars or martian hats. The mother joke is so far out of the audience’s circle of expectation that they cannot identify, let along laugh at it. It immediately comes off as try hard.
We went over some other things that night too, but for the sake of keeping length and not having my brain overload, Mybirthdaypony will do a blog on that. Go read the book too, “Impro” and “Impro for storytellers”. I fell asleep on the couch at 4 am. that night.
Saturday:
This was definitely the most stressful but educational day of the weekend. It felt like the pain stage, and definitely one of the hardest things to overcome is social anxiety. We left the house at about 12 and Anthony went over a few things in the car and the whole time I was nervous what he was about to do to me. Stopping at what Anthony calls a “High Quality fast food” sandwich shop, Anthony sometimes scares me how much he doesn't care about what people think of him. He started singing loudly when he walked into the store, perhaps to make me more comfortable and realizing that nobody really cares. He had me do the first exercise, as we waited for our orders, he worked on my body language and not to be scared of people around you when chatting up a hot girl -- in fact, you WANT them to hear you. We were chatting and Anthony suddenly jumped to the next table to ask them about their sandwich and sat with them for a few pleasantries and came back.
“See? You shouldn’t be scared of the people around you; they aren’t as scary as you think. In fact, you WANT them to hear you!”
He wanted to work on my approach body language, so he told me to walk over to the counter and walk back and greet HIM as if I were a stranger. I felt really stupid and insecure with all these people around me watching me (most of them aren’t btw), but he was the birthdaypony and you don’t say no to that. I made the first approach, walked up and then no words came out of my mouth, he said start over again, I approached and said hi, it didn’t feel right, MBP said I was too robotic. I kept doing this, and kept doing it, and kept doing it, each time feeling less self conscious and more confident and eventually, he said something that really clicked.
“Walk up to me like you are my friend and you just found me here.”
I thought how I would approach my friend, and then I braced for impact.
JC: Hey! *punch shoulder* I know you!
MBP: You do?
JC: Yeah!
MBP: Really? From where?
JC: I don’t know, you look so familiar…
MBP: Maybe
JC: Gosh, you look too familiar
MBP: Well, sit down anyway and remind me.
Anthony said that although I didn’t really know him, I had an intriguing enough of a presence for him to invite me to sit down, he said he also liked the little friendly punch in the beginning which made him feel comfortable and me looking very amiable. The other approaches I threw my scarf over his head, and just felt more and more confident. The secret is, you have to already KNOW this person and they will in turn feel comfortable with you. Commitment. Instead of being a robot and doing what’s appropriate and nice or having what the community telling you what to do, you should put as much COMMITMENT into your approaches as possible.
“Go and be so much YOU that it oozes out of your f**k pores.”
CHARISMA is the essence of a successful approach, because realize that what attracts girls in the first place, is not what’s cool or what’s right, but letting her know that you are different from all the other men because you can display charisma to them. The sandwich and soup were pretty good, Anthony played with some kid and their parents and we left for the mall.
I slammed the door of Anthony’s car and tried to pump myself up as we walked towards the scary mall. I was feeling nervous and I know this Birthdaypony is going to make me do a lot of things I don’t want to. I been in the community for over a year and the reason I haven’t been even close to average yet is that I been fearing and dodging (and instead KJing) all this time. There is no other way to get better except getting out there and facing the fear head on.
Anthony probably sensed my fear and all of a sudden, he grabbed my hand and proceeded to skip in great strides through the mall all while yelling out in a high childish voice, "Yayyy!!” I was a little hesitant at first but I started skipping too and it put me in a silly, happy, not give any shit mood, which was exactly what I needed. The mall security guard walking by couldn’t help but laugh, people were staring at us as we were obviously making a scene but I didn’t care. Anthony wanted to put a smile on people’s faces and put me in a relaxed mood as well. You can do whatever you want, and it is up honestly up to you what YOU think of it, nobody stopped us or neither did we hurt anybody’s feelings.
I felt a bit more comfortable and then we went right to work. We walked into the CVS inside the mall, and Anthony made his first demonstration. (I am going to tell it as it is and not make it sound like Anthony pumped me full of go happy medicine)
He went right up and chatted up a cute girl looking at shampoo, I wasn’t sure what he said because I was down the aisle pretending to look at some women’s conditioner, he said something, she said something, and then I chuckled when Anthony took a bottle of hand cream right off the shelve, squirted some on his hand and said “Oh, I don’t know why I did that” The girl said she didn’t know why either. It was hilarious, perfect warm up set. So Anthony proceeded on, with cream smeared hands and hooked the elbow of an older girl and her friend with a big smile and asked what they were shopping for.
I noticed that a big commitment like that (JM emphasizes full commitment) actually LOWERED their guard and showed the girls just how charismatic and confident Anthony really was. Perhaps unconsciously he was demonstrating that you don’t have to be all perfect (Remember, BE AVERAGE!) and that even the legendary Birthdaypony does silly stuff and messes up sometimes (yeah like the hand cream… what was THAT about?)
They had a brief chat and exchanged a few laughs and Anthony said goodbye. He said it was my turn to shine, I thought it was time to bury my head.
He walked me to this set and I didn’t approach, so he walked over to them and said the first thing that was in his mind. He didn’t plan the approach (planning leads to hesitation, BE AVERAGE, Be spontaneous, be IMPERFECT!)
so he simply asked the girl holding a can of Red Bull, “Is that the bigger sized Red Bull?”
They exchanged pleasantries and Anthony asked her if he can have one, she gave him hers, but the Pony wanted more and asked her to bring him one from over there. He was holding hers and smeared hand cream all over hers (I’m wondering what she thought as she started drinking it later on) as he was talking to the HBRedBull’s friend. She came back and Anthony had the girls introduce themselves to me. After a bit more laughs and exchanges, I was sitting back and feeling a bit shy as the pony asked what they were doing afterwards. They said they were going to meet up with their friends upstairs, Anthony said he wanted to meet their friends too and go shop with them and we walked with them.
I was surprised how easily it was to get people to do stuff when you ask like it’s no big deal. We followed them upstairs and met their friends, these two other girls (bringing our combined group to 4 girls and 2 guys) and it felt a bit awkward following Anthony and introducing myself to them (its always more natural when you are the one leading). We all went into a hip-hop style clothing store and we looked around for a bit. Anthony came over to me and told me he was going ignore them for a while to see if they leave to test their commitment. They left not surprisingly; I didn’t feel these girls are that great anyway. We went off to another part of the mall and Anthony told me that I had to approach for every one he does.
I did a few half assed approaches which mostly I ejected myself after asking a question. I don’t remember much of them in detail, but it wasn’t until the 5 or 6 of the probably 10 I did that day that I started to get into the rhythm of it and hated it less. Anthony kept telling me to try and venue change and get more commitment from them (Compliance in other words) I asked these girls to go shopping with me at the Sharper Image and we went around the store to look at some stuff. The conversation stalled out and so I stalled and left.
The best interaction I had that day was at this cooking supplies store. I was feeling a little better and spotted a girl wearing to me what looks like really cute Pajama pants. I opened her with curiosity and she seemed surprisingly into the conversation. I made sure I kinoed her a lot and moved her around for a bit, then I took her around the store a little to look at things, but she eventually met up with her mom and I introduced myself to mom and ejected. That one was the best one of the day, the one I started to really ENJOY and not have it feel like work.
Anthony and I took a break for some burritos, and I forgot to mention the whole day he was throwing compliments at passing people and playfully chatting up kids, I like that giving mentality. Pickup is something that only works when you are giving and not thinking of yourself. I realize that even though I didn’t get further with that girl, I hope at least I would have made her feel great about her choice of silly Pajama pants that day.
We went back later that day and went over a few more things in the car and then for almost two hours at his house, mostly about relating and rewarding. He hit me with a topic and I would try to relate on it, we did some role playing where we would each take turns to be the girl and approach each other. This was probably one of the most useful exercises I did on the weekend and it really hit me when he told me that I relate on the EMOTION and not the topic as I been doing all my life.
For example, when a girl says that she likes music, you shouldn’t relate about the music itself but the emotions that you associate with music. People relate to emotions, and it doesn’t matter if you have the most detailed story about the time you went to an Incubus concert, if it lacks emotional content for people to relate to, the listener will doze off and perhaps only listen to you out of respect.
Another major thing I learned and realized, which is just as ESSENTIAL to your game is that you make the conversation about YOU AND HER, not brother, friend, mother, or Anthony. Don’t relate with something about your friend did or your brother did, relate with something you personally felt! The Key to good game.
We were set for night game but when we got there, all of the bars at Morristown card and we were disappointed. At the diner that night over my meatloaf, Anthony made me promise him that since that we didn’t do night game; I would have to step up my game to compensate for it.
I feel like the week is far from over as I dive further into the rabbit hole.
Sunday:
Today was the day I felt like I broke out of the cocoon and did what I thought was impossible. I felt like I had evolved as a person.
We drove to the Ocean County Mall, the fabled place where some of the hottest girls of New Jersey hang out. The drive from Randolph to Ocean County took about an hour and a half and on this ride Anthony went over another exercise that seriously had a great impact on my game. It was a game that teaches you how to relate to an emotion. He would say a certain emotion (Nervousness, Fear, Excitement, etc) and I would have to scan my brain for an experience with that emotion and tell it to him. The second exercise was him telling me a statement, and I would have to find the emotion in that statement and tell him a similar experience with that emotion.
I did this for most of the car ride and it helped me so much. It made me realize a fatal flaw in my game that I could now kill. I was being too wordy and telling the listeners every detail and fact of a story when I was just putting the listener to sleep. Good stories aren’t the most detailed ones; they are the ones that have raw emotional content. I go see movies for the same reason, I realize I can trim so much from a paragraph to a sentence or two and still have the same or even more powerful effect. It was such a big realization for me in my relating skills.
The most effective public speakers and conversationalists aren’t the most long winded, they are the ones that make it the shortest and sweetest it can possibly be.
We arrived at the mall as Anthony went on about all the dense population of cute girls here, he said, there was so many cute girls, even the shy guys get hot girlfriends. From what I saw at the mall that day, that was indeed a fact. I saw fat and totally fuggly guys hooked up with sexy girls, it made me kind of nervous, but that’s a part of my education baby! We went into the store and Anthony wanted to work a bit on my body language because of my patented, signature “JC tiptoe” when I approach a hot girl. He made me take up space and swing my arms that I felt air between my arms and walk as if I my arms and legs were extended five times their length and simply needed to move stuff aside just to move any where, it reminds me of how Clint Eastwood would walk as he is ready to draw his peacemaker. So it’s sort of like a very friendly version of Mr. Eastwood minus the pistols. We were off to the main mall section and ready to rumble.
We walked into a video store where Anthony came behind a sales girl and playfully taught her how to smile correctly for the customers walking in, some hugs ensued, and the girl said that she was cool too and showed Anthony that she can hug as well as her coworker can, really cool stuff. Making the world a better place.
It wasn’t approach anxiety, but sort of an approach indifference that I felt hit me. I was so pumped and nervous to come to the mall and now that I am actually here I feel a bit lazy. I kind of felt like I done enough yesterday, Anthony wouldn’t let that inner voice take over me, so he tried to make me comfortable and we rested for a Texas Whopper at BK.
We got our food and Anthony said a few things that eased me a bit, he even purposely opened the table behind us with two teenage girls and got rejected on purpose. He said accept the fact of not doing perfect things, make the worst happen, try to make an interaction by not thinking about yourself, instead think of others and try to make them happy. Make them feel happy to come to Ocean County mall that day. There was a girl with a good cleavage showing sitting behind us, I was thinking of approaching her, but thought against it. I didn’t realize Anthony had noticed her already a while ago as we sat down, he went up and sat down with her.
"I am going to sit down with you," he said.
She had an “um… ok” face at first, Anthony then asked “How’s work?” and eventually smoothed her out for the conversation. They were sitting across from each other so there wasn’t much possibility for kino. She worked at the Macy’s in the mall and was telling him how bad her boss was and when she made her cry after Anthony said how all bosses are bad. MBP continued to escalate the conversation by using sort of an SOI, telling her how he found her earrings really sexy. She seemed to jump at this and then Anthony used a sexual barrier as he was getting up to leave:
MBP: I would ask you out, but you said you have a boyfriend.
HBCleavage: But, its not working out right now!
I remembered she had a smile on her face as she said that, it was beautiful. Anthony said he purposely used textbook Charisma Arts method to show that this stuff actually works. And I am seeing in first person of how wonderful it all gels together in reality. Relating, Sexual barriers, SOI, it was amazing to see it in action -- all in 5 minutes!
I finally made an approach after grabbing my balls and walking into Express. Anthony warned me, you are not getting out of this store without making your first approach. He then walked off with an expectant swagger and I felt the pressure. This was game time. Stalking the gazelle or making people happy, I choose. There was a cute Spanish girl folding jeans in the back, she looked so bored, so unhappy, she needed an alpha male to bring a smile to her life, I am no longer the seductionist, I don’t want anything from her, so I won’t use any routines or anything like that, I am going to make the worst happen because if I can be her laughing stock of the day, at least I made one person happy. I happily approached, and this time I didn’t tiptoe.
JC: Do you really have to fold ALL those jeans?
HBJeans: *with a grin* Unfortunately, yes…
JC: Wow, how many more do you have to do?
HBJeans: *she walked over to the pile* This whole thing.
JC: No way, this job blows doesn’t it?
HBJeans: Yeah, it does.
JC: I remember the time I worked in a restaurant, it was such a shitty job with the customers yelling at me and spilling hot soup on my hands…
HBJeans: Ouch, where did you work?
JC: In Chinatown, in New York.
HBJeans: Wow, where do you live?
She seemed happy that she had somebody to speak with as she did her folding, I actually felt less comfortable standing there than her, so I plopped myself next to her so I can get some kino going and see how much more fun I can have with her. I was chatting her up, and I saw Anthony doing his innocent shopping and examining my approach, I introduce them to each other, her name was Melissa and Anthony hugged her and then walked off with a “I’ll leave you two alone to talk more”.
I talked with this girl, her accent was tickling my ears, and I was mesmerized by her highlights in her hair which I imagined flowing like in those cheesy movies. Anthony came by and whispered me to come over, he told me to kino more, escalate, SOI. I went in there and I wasn’t sure how to do an SOI, so I asked her about the jeans because I was genuinely interested how girls tell from a pair of good jeans to bad. She recommended me some styles and taught me some stuff, and she even turned around to look at my ass to see if my jeans fit me well. I found that sexy, a spark of inspiration. I told her that a girl giving me fashion like that is very sexy, I said a few more things and then I told her I had to go. I met up with Anthony outside and pounded my fist in euphoria; it’s a feeling that’s indescribable. My first SOI to a total stranger!
I got high on that and we automatically spotted a super cute, petite girl with nice breasts. We turned 180 and started following her. Anthony dared me to approach her, I said no way, she was so hot. She stopped at the bookstore, and we went in there, I hesitated as Anthony physically pushed me towards her. I felt so stupid, but from that approach high, I saw her, TIP-TOED (Anthony told me later on), and asked her about the book in her hands. It went fairly well, she was into writing, I love girls who read, the bookish ones. Her voice was so soft and tiny and totally melted my heart.
JC: I am looking for something good to inspire my writing.
HBBooks: Oh, what kind of stuff do you write?
JC: Dorky stuff.
HBBooks: What kind of dorky stuff?
JC: Sci fi stuff mostly.
HBBooks: Well I heard of this poet, (Pablo something) who’s really good, but I can’t seem to find him here.
JC: Wow, do you write too?
HBBooks: Not really.
JC: I thought all cute girls think they can write really good poetry, *with a big smile, a semi SOI*
HBBooks: Well… *blush*
JC: Well tell you what, come to the poetry section with me so we can find it, *Kino
She followed me to the poetry section and she did indeed found the author, the conversation stalled a bit at this point and she said she had to go, I let her go, but the pleasure was mine. (I also looked through the book and I am going to pick up a copy of this).
I thought Anthony had intercepted her or something, but when I met up with him he said he didn’t, he wanted to know how my interaction went instead. We did a few more sets that didn’t work out so well, (plus one really embarrassing one of me asking for my cousin’s underwear advice at Victoria’s Secrets, I’m keeping that one for me, sorry ) but I felt they were of a MUCH higher quality than yesterday and I actually stayed in set for 3 all the way to 20 minutes at a time and had a lot of fun doing them.
Pickup started to become fun!
This is the last one I am posting; this was the last approach of the weekend and the masterpiece and highlight of my week. It is the pivotal point in my game, I enjoyed every darn second of this interaction, I didn’t want anything from her except to have fun with her, and I approached her without hesitation. Here goes it:
It was towards the end of the day about half an hour before the mall was closing, I sat down with Anthony on some couches to take a break. I sat for less than one minute, then the pony made me jump out of my seat. He looked at his watch and I almost saw an evil grin.
“You have three minutes to approach, starting now, go.”
What? Really? I got up and weakly walked around while Anthony was flirting with some girls sitting next to him. I spotted Victoria Secrets and ran away, and then I went into the Gap and walked around, nothing. I spotted the familiar Old Navy; at least inside I’ll feel a bit more comfortable in there (higher end shops like AE or Abercrombie make me nervous). I walked in, expecting nothing to pop up, but there she was at the corner of my eye. A shapely brunette (my favorite!) beauty with a scarlet red scarf browsing some cute looking chili shoes. I strided to her confidently, my feet actually getting more and more excited with each passing step.
JC: I don’t know how you do that…
HBScarlett: What do you mean?
JC: That scarf, it’s so hottttt in here! *with a big smile
HBScarlett: Oh… oh… well it’s not that hot.
JC: I like that scarf, I noticed you, it’s so cute!
HBScarlett: Well thank you, I knitted it myself.
JC: Omg, how long must that have taken you?
HBScarlett: About a few months.
JC: I really like that you’re so patient to do something like that.
HBScarlett: Haha, thanks.
JC: Well, it looks so nice that I am going to try it on.
HBScarlett: Are you serious?
JC: Yep, take it off.
HBScarlett takes it off and hands it to me, I tie it on my neck.
JC: I love this thing, its so warm!
HBScarlett: What if you steal it?
JC: I will, but I don’t run that fast so you’ll probably catch me anyway (Thx Johnny!)
HBScarlett: *Laughs
JC: Well, I’m feeling a little lonely so let’s go shop together.
HBScarlett: Are you here alone?
JC: My friend is hanging around the mall somewhere doing his own thing, who are you here with?
HBScarlett: My brother.
JC: Oh, why isn’t he with you?
HBScarlett: He is at some other shop in the mall.
JC: Well, it looks like we are stuck in the same situation, we are going shopping.
I hooked her arm (thanks for inspiring me Anthony) and lifted my head up jokingly and she laughed.
I guided her around the store and decided I want to go to the men’s section.
HBScarlett: But I don’t shop there…
JC: Well you can help me look what looks good on me, lets go.
I put my clasped my hands on both of her shoulders from behind and playfully guided her around like an airplane. She can be my compass I said. We hit the men’s t-shirts and I looked around, the convo stalled a bit, and then as I was about to ask her a question she received a phone call, it was her brother telling her to regroup. She told me she had to go, I told her to give me a big hug and held out my arms expectantly, she surprised me because she gave me the tightest hug and held on longer than I expected. We separated ways and will remember our romantic interlude that day at Old navy. Au Revoir.
The mall was closing and Anthony decided to call it a day, but he thinks I can go further, he wants me to approach one more set before I leave. We spotted a lonely girl sitting at the food court, I hesitated and it didn’t felt right. I didn’t approach, but I was right, her boyfriend came by and sat down with her. It would make an interesting story though if he saw me sat down with her.
Ready for some dessert? We drove to the Jersey shoreline where Anthony’s mom lives to stay for the night, and as we were driving to this wicked eatery called Surf Taco, Anthony did an unexpected approach that I only see in romance novels, swept off her foot they say.
Long story short, we went to order taco and noticed this blonde girl that was the manager of the shop. She took our orders and Anthony didn’t even expected to pick her up. As we were waiting for the food to take out, he chatted her up casually as she was sweeping the floor and wiping the tables. The conversation was very basic but the kino was some of the most magical I ever saw.
One part that caught my interest is as Anthony was getting off the phone with someone in Surf Taco, he ended it loudly (so she could hear) with, "Alright, I want to go talk to this cute girl right now, bye," and then proceeded to go do so. Her eyes opened wide as he approached.
Anthony later told me that he felt it was on when she said he should come to an event/promotion they were having in the store soon. He rewarded her majorly as we got our salsa, and held on to her hand like a couple would. She leaned over and Anthony pulled her in and it looked straight out of a movie. Her number came out in a flash, we left her charmed and dazzled for the night.
PS: She txt msged Anthony that night, telling him that nobody was home and if he could come over. I didn’t know what happened because I was enjoying a game of scrabble with Anthony’s mom over a glass of wine and some beer, but he said that she was a very, very good girl type.
---
We also recorded a few podcasts for your listening and learning pleasure, here goes.
DivShare File - Attraction.mp3
DivShare File - Relating__Being_average_and_original.mp3
DivShare File - Me_going_through_the_steps_of_conversatio.mp3
DivShare File - JC_practicing_approachi. Anthony - Part 2.mp3
DivShare File - Last_day.mp3
Guys (and Gals), its great having you as my readers. You guys bring me alot of motivation with your comments and it makes my journey in social dynamics even more worthwhile. Thank you for reading and listening in, I salute you.
JC
Tuesday, January 09, 2007
Maturity, Age, Negative People
I had some good times and bad times with many different people in my social life. There are those whom you consider your friends at first impression and then later turn on to make you feel really bad, and then there are those whom you click, connect, and become friends for life. Having spoken to hundreds of people in the past year bygone, something has offically clicked in my head and it has become true for me. There is a lesson to be learned in every social interaction, every time you say hi to to a bus driver or crack a joke with the lady at Qdoba ordering a Burrito, and even lifelong old friends you see almost everyday there is potential to learn and grow.
A little bit on maturity. First of all, I do not have an offical defination what it is or what people interpret it as. I think the variable is too large, but for my defination of what is mature or what is not, I consider myself to be lost amongst a crowd, perhaps somewhere in the middle, reasonably mature and reasonably dorky. I do notice this though, 18 seems to be the age where it usually blossoms.
I believe it is where the teens truly start to peel off and the person starts to have their own opinion of the world and make it their own. There are some amazing people at 18, one of my friends being one of the most focused and vibrant people I ever know. He does Yoga and practices a good bit of Buddhism, and already sees his career in helping folks out in the alternative medicine field. (Btw, that's not to say that anybody who does Buddhism or yoga is mature, that is bullshit) and then I see some people who are in their 30s or even 40s whom seem to still be lost in space and act sprodically.
I use to have a common misconception that older people out in the real world would look down upon younger folks and not really take them seriously. I think a big part of that came from my Asian background, and perhaps not just Asian parents, maybe all parents as well. You surely remember when listening in to your parent's conversations, asking questions and then mom or dad pulling the famous "Oh, this is adult talk, it's none of your business."
I vividly recall the time I met a couple in their 50s in a bar. I sat down with them because my friends were away flirting with some girls and told them I liked to make new friends. I talked with them for a while, found them to be very joyous, full of life and telling me a fasinating tale about fishing Salmon in Alaska. After having so much fun with these folks, I wanted to see what they thought about young people. I was telling them how I feel really young and out of place here at this bar with all these business executives and artists and what they thought about it. They told me that they loved young people and its interesting hearing how they view the world in different eyes. To this day I remember the times I had with that couple and what they told me.
I think once pass 18, it really is up to a person how mature they really are and what they define it as. There isn't a declaration of Maturity written anywhere (contact me at chansd5@gmail.com if you find something) or any offical rule in society that tells you how to act mature and what not. I see some really mature young people, and some clueless older ones.
I'm not sure, is maturity a Porsche? A successful worldwide enterprise dealing in Cavier? Some one who preaches Christianity, Islam, or Buddhism? A Leader of a country? A 8 year old Chess genius? Somebody who tries to act according to what people tell them is cool or how to dress? I don't really know, but I do know this, you cannot live up to everybody's expectations nor can everybody live up to your's.
Those people whom you find mature enough can be your friends and spouses, and those whom you find negative should be avoided and cut out of your life at all costs. You shouldn't try to conform or hide your insecurities just to fit in somebody's ideal box, that's cheating yourself, and no girlfriend, guru, or business partner is ever worth that.
You have your insecurities and so has everybody else, embrace it, learn to love it, and make it a part of yourself that people find to be able to connect to. I read somewhere once, whom would you identify with more? The guy standing with sunglasses and looking unfazed and cool, or the guy who tripped on the sidewalk and looking around nervously as he picks himself up?
Envision a Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, everything about him/her is perfect, no insecurities, just Joe Cool. Would anybody be able to connect to that person? Would he truly have any friends? Or would he just intimidate and make people envy?
Also, cut all the people whom you feel worst having been around and just generally emotional baggage that you unwillingly (or half willingly) carried over from your yesterdays and years. Clean out your cellphone of ex-ex-girlfriends and negative people. You deserve much more than that, you truly do.
I believe in you cowboy, pssshhhtt!
A little bit on maturity. First of all, I do not have an offical defination what it is or what people interpret it as. I think the variable is too large, but for my defination of what is mature or what is not, I consider myself to be lost amongst a crowd, perhaps somewhere in the middle, reasonably mature and reasonably dorky. I do notice this though, 18 seems to be the age where it usually blossoms.
I believe it is where the teens truly start to peel off and the person starts to have their own opinion of the world and make it their own. There are some amazing people at 18, one of my friends being one of the most focused and vibrant people I ever know. He does Yoga and practices a good bit of Buddhism, and already sees his career in helping folks out in the alternative medicine field. (Btw, that's not to say that anybody who does Buddhism or yoga is mature, that is bullshit) and then I see some people who are in their 30s or even 40s whom seem to still be lost in space and act sprodically.
I use to have a common misconception that older people out in the real world would look down upon younger folks and not really take them seriously. I think a big part of that came from my Asian background, and perhaps not just Asian parents, maybe all parents as well. You surely remember when listening in to your parent's conversations, asking questions and then mom or dad pulling the famous "Oh, this is adult talk, it's none of your business."
I vividly recall the time I met a couple in their 50s in a bar. I sat down with them because my friends were away flirting with some girls and told them I liked to make new friends. I talked with them for a while, found them to be very joyous, full of life and telling me a fasinating tale about fishing Salmon in Alaska. After having so much fun with these folks, I wanted to see what they thought about young people. I was telling them how I feel really young and out of place here at this bar with all these business executives and artists and what they thought about it. They told me that they loved young people and its interesting hearing how they view the world in different eyes. To this day I remember the times I had with that couple and what they told me.
I think once pass 18, it really is up to a person how mature they really are and what they define it as. There isn't a declaration of Maturity written anywhere (contact me at chansd5@gmail.com if you find something) or any offical rule in society that tells you how to act mature and what not. I see some really mature young people, and some clueless older ones.
I'm not sure, is maturity a Porsche? A successful worldwide enterprise dealing in Cavier? Some one who preaches Christianity, Islam, or Buddhism? A Leader of a country? A 8 year old Chess genius? Somebody who tries to act according to what people tell them is cool or how to dress? I don't really know, but I do know this, you cannot live up to everybody's expectations nor can everybody live up to your's.
Those people whom you find mature enough can be your friends and spouses, and those whom you find negative should be avoided and cut out of your life at all costs. You shouldn't try to conform or hide your insecurities just to fit in somebody's ideal box, that's cheating yourself, and no girlfriend, guru, or business partner is ever worth that.
You have your insecurities and so has everybody else, embrace it, learn to love it, and make it a part of yourself that people find to be able to connect to. I read somewhere once, whom would you identify with more? The guy standing with sunglasses and looking unfazed and cool, or the guy who tripped on the sidewalk and looking around nervously as he picks himself up?
Envision a Mr. or Mrs. Perfect, everything about him/her is perfect, no insecurities, just Joe Cool. Would anybody be able to connect to that person? Would he truly have any friends? Or would he just intimidate and make people envy?
Also, cut all the people whom you feel worst having been around and just generally emotional baggage that you unwillingly (or half willingly) carried over from your yesterdays and years. Clean out your cellphone of ex-ex-girlfriends and negative people. You deserve much more than that, you truly do.
I believe in you cowboy, pssshhhtt!
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