Tuesday, February 27, 2007

A Piece of My Mind - Trying Hard

So I'll give you a piece of my mind, right now I am desperately trying to change my sleep time table to a earlier mark so I can actually wake up at an healthy time and SEE the morning again. I haven't seen the morning in a long time actually, probably in half a year. My body rejected the sleep, thinking it was a nap, so I started at 10pm and wearing earplugs (they are a godsend) and then I popped up at 12:19am when those fuckers started making noise again, then at 1:19 I woke again, having that feeling I overslept and had too much to nap. I am willing to sacrifice tomorrow (a day's full of concentration and newspaper interviews) to get better sleep. I want to get use to living further on the edge, perhaps just until the point I die.

I've been pussyfooting around, in my yearlong development of becoming better with people and women, I realize that although I have made progress, I haven't done NEARLY enough to get where I want.

This isn't an inspirational post, this is more of a kick myself out so i'll thank myself for later post. The difference is, I don't feel good writing this one, it's just something thats so necessary.

I met about 4 girls in the past week, I think two of them I got contact information but never followed up because I didn't like them enough. Usually I sit with them at lunch and eat with them. In my mind I am thinking I am doing enough, but when I am not getting the results I want, thats a pretty damn good indication of not doing good enough.

I been doing a year of this, mostly reading material most of the time than actually going out to practice socializing and flirting with girls. Some guys are getting alot better than me and they are perhaps only a few months behind me, they been really pushing themselves.

I realize, not everyone succeeds at things. Especially those who see something as a mere distraction than a lifestyle. It takes a lifestyle at something to become really good at it, so those athletes you see playing ball failed and tried probably a THOUSAND times as hard as people who played merely as a distraction for a while and then gave up.

That's how they got there today.

I was feeling shit the whole day, this girl stopped talking to me, I got deadlines and much academic stress to meet, my roommates aren't getting along with me and I don't feel like I fit in, and yadda yadda. I don't even want to hear it.

But you know what, despite what you or I may think. It is NOT the parts of your life that you are feeling good and on vacation and falling in life that are the BEST in your life. It is those times you struggled and fought back and killed a thousand ninjas and survived that truly do you feel like you lived through something.

In most battles, it is a Battlefield of the mind.

The outside world is as easy as it comes, you can easily do anything you want. I realize half of easily doing what you want, is to fight your mind. Perhaps years and years of shyness or fear prevents you from making a phone call to a totally random stranger (I had phoneophobia for a while), but then I wonder how those telemarketers calling thousands of people and having freakshows and just really mean people yell at you do it, and they do it well, or else telemarketers would have died out long ago. (Much to our dismay)

Tomorrow I am going to try harder, I feel bad about one girl, my mentor Anthony is great with people because feeling bad about girls and getting rejected is a super common occurance. He simply has failed and pushed much more than most people to get where he is today, he is human. Just one of the most amazing people because I realize barely ANYONE in the world has this dedication and endurance. (If you think lifting weights at the gym is hard, try talking to 3 strangers and making them like you)

People who are really good at something aren't gods. They are simply really bad at something and do it so constantly that eventually, 1 out of 1000 failures constitutes a success. Then that little number starts to build up and we think they are amazing by the time it becomes 3.

The rest of us leave it to chance. Don't even think about those people getting lucky, thats the way life is, living with my shitty roommates right now is a maturity lesson of it's own. It made me realize how awesome living with my parents were and I could go to sleep without Hindi music blasting in my ears 3am at night.

I realize I may not make it, I may not be able to be that strong. It's rare anybody is that strong and extraordinary, but I try and push my boundaries and think of fear as being a lesson. I have alot more to say, but I must go to sleep.

You are extraordinary too, you are already it, or it's inside you. You may not make it too, but we try and try and fail and fail. Lets do it.

I am adding Susan to "Girl Who Rejected Me #23", she is exiled from my mind and I am moving on easily, lets try to catch up to Anthony's 1000th rejection.

Friday, February 23, 2007

Friendly People are Amazing!

I don't notice him, he's in the shadows, walking behind my Persian friends and two little cousins when I bump into them. We banter and do catch up, what's up, where were you heading, any parties you know of? He strides up and confidently puts his arm across my shoulder and innocently asks if I can take him to a party. I feel a bit awkward for not introducing myself to him earlier, but before I can even put out my hand, he put up his and said his name.

JC, I said. Then he said He likes me, we should get married. The two Persian girls joked and went along with it and said no, they were married and put her head on the other. I loved this joke, I think it's funny as fuck and shows how confident you are seeing how guys are always so insecure about it, so I put my arms around the guy and said yeah, this is my new boyfriend. We all laughed, the little brother, barely 12 said he wanted some pussy and that he was going to find some tonight. I chuckled, these kids are so confident.

Then the guy told me he was 15 as we all went to the cafe, I said bullshit. He said really, he is. (He is 15).

We had coffee and hung out and we had to go. I told him that he was one of the most friendliest and confident people I know and that he will have no trouble getting the ladies and having fun in college. I learned a lot from that kid, he has a memorizing aura of just personality and charm, and I realized that just by being more committed than the other person (in some cases A LOT more committed) it shows a great deal how confident you are.

Take today for example. I was getting lunch at the Kelly Dining hall on my campus, I got tavern-style Cod (some breaded fish) and a soup, I paid the lady and was on my way looking for somebody to sit next to (I never eat alone), when the soup slipped out of my hand and fell on the floor. A mustache-bearing man in a chef's uniform saw me drop the soup and told me that he's pretty sure I can get another one. I said thank you and explained to the cashier lady that my soup spilled, she wasn't happy about it and said only this time, that's why you get trays she said, next time I would have to pay for it. I got the soup and walked out, the chef saw me and smiled, and warmly said that that lady is just having a bad day, it's no big deal at all, he laughed. "Have a nice weekend."

I had the strangest feeling in my stomach to talk with the chef, for no reason at all, just the fact that I was really impressed the night before and something just intrigues me about these people.

At this point, I don't know much about these two amazing individuals. They are simply very, very committed to the interaction, perhaps without realizing it. But in an age where people are getting disinterested and spend more and more time in front of computers and becoming less socialized and more cautious, this gesture of friendliness and good faith gives your subconscious no choice but to return the warmth and feel comfortable with this person.

Often, a typical meeting with a stranger is more of a war of attrition then a friendly meeting. People look uncomfortable and feel uncomfortable because simply they aren't committed enough to the interaction. Should I shake his hand? Should I introduce myself now or in a minute? Should I tell him how awesome his Donald Duck Jacket is?

Or simply, you can stop all that bullshit and just do it. Stop thinking about what you want to do, just do the first thing on your mind. This stranger is your friend from elementary school and you grew up playing Scrabble together. How would you react to him? (Personally I'll give him a big hug, kind of like Johnny Saviour style)

It's funny, the universal rule of taking a risk or fortune favors the bold applies extremely well here. Don't think about what that person thinks, just introduce yourself with a big smile and ask for his name, he will DEFINITELY like you and think you are a confident, and amazing person with alot going for you (maybe it's not true, but who cares, he thinks you are, and you are, you're reading my blog ;p )

I mentioned first impressions in an earlier post, it still holds true that you NEVER JUDGE BY FIRST IMPRESSIONS. But people don't know that, and even you won't ever completely stop judging because you are human. So why not take this to our advantage and make people like us instantly?

How awesome would that be? Just by simply being more committed to the other person and willing to share yourself. It's going to be a bit scary at first, it is for me, I am going to practice just being really committed in the next few weeks too, breaking out of my own comfort zone. This may be the secret to being a great conversationalist. Think of all the things you can achieve, business meetings, social gatherings, just any situation you can think of where you meet new people.

Perhaps you are still sketchy about this whole idea, you are defensive, that's alright. I can be pretty defensive sometimes too and not wanting to accept new ideas, I know that feeling. But lets use a popular model we can all refer to.

If Brad Pitt or George Clooney came up and talked with you, would he hesitate at all to shake your hand and introduce himself?

No.

He knows he's the shit and half of the world knows it too. You don't have to be George Clooney, but you can have the same confidence and charming aura as him.

The world is for the taking, my friend.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Mouthwash

I have to post this to get it off my head and share this wonderful drink recipe with you guys because I know that in the morning I will be thinking of pulling my phone off the charger and deciding which week-old shirt is the cleanest to put on and forget about this. Here goes, the parts are generally right but you can adjust according to your sanitary tastes. It's minty, it's tasty. Enjoy!


Mouthwash

1 Martini Glass (Or those Jack and Coke sized glasses will work)
1/3's part Creme De Menthe (Preferably Green)
2/3's Ginger Ale
A dash of Sprite

Serve on the rocks. Not Recommended for actual dental hygiene.

Thoughts, comments!

Innocence Lost

Nobody is as they seem, and the most innocent ones are often not.

You can only truly learn about a person through their actions, never through words. I have learned that the hard way, and NEVER judge by first impression.

I feel like I am behind the times by a world (even my own college) that lost it's innocence a long time ago, either that or it was a bunch of shit by the church or the powers what be to keep us from getting what we really want and achieve.

My parents wern't quite so innocent either, but they raised me to be good.

What I want and what you and I think of sometimes we would never dare tell the person next to us, our desires are suppressed. We fantasize about having sex in the elevator most of the time.

But our will for good deeds and helping people will never die.

Fuck snobby people who tell you what's right, who calls people sluts and fags, who tells you not to curse. That world left us a long time ago.

It's time to be ambitious and free as we will ever be.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Pink Balloon

My blog is undergoing a new direction. I will share more about my life and my experiences, glimpses into my fiction writing and of course, becoming better with people and sharing adventures.

I am reaching for the pink balloon. Tomorrow I will share a piece of my journey.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Be Average - A Guide to Fucking Up

Be average, do your worst, go fuck it up as much as you could.

Yeah, not what you're mother, mentors or role models tells you eh? 95% of the readers of this note won't try this, but that 5% will try because they are desperate, will try anything, or already know the value of risk taking. Those are the people that ultimately succeed.

Your parents always tell you to do your best. Then the world expects you to act that way, be your best, be perfect.

Most people do their best; their living is a pressure cooker. There is no room for error, therefore, there is no room for taking a chance and making it big.

Then we have the ones who expect to go fuck it up and they want to fuck it up and take the biggest risk, then get rewarded for it in spades (Bill Gates, Einstein, don't tell me). Tell me something, how did you meet a girl you like and she liked you back? You took a motherfuckin risk, because if you wanted it to be perfect, you would have never talked to her.

"She is perfect without me, I'll just go fuck it up" you may say.

I am using this to meet people mostly, every time I try too hard to be perfect, the conversation is boring and nobody is having fun and she excuses herself. Those times I have fun, don't care, throw a scarf on her face, steal her purse, hook her arm, throw her on the bed, and just generally didn't give a shit, and try to fuck it up as worst as possible, I succeeded.

I am theorizing how to apply this phenomenon to other real life tasks, which I’m sure there are many places to apply. Imagine the world if everybody tried to be perfect, we would be in a perfectly perfect stone age and eating Elephant steaks and debating how perfect everything is and rejecting the neighbor's shiny new Bronze spears. (They eventually got wiped out) Our world advances on risk takers and fuckups.

Go fuck up too man, stop being perfect. Women don't like safe and calculated guys, they're creepy. They like somebody who gives HER the chance to reject them, but they don't because they realize how much balls it takes and that’s confidence.

People obsess over a girl for years and try to use their PhD. smarts to figure out 20 different ways to tell a girl how they really feel, meanwhile a brutish fuckup and risk taker bad boy who lives in his mom's basement is shagging the brains out of their dream girl.

You put too much pressure on yourself to be perfect. Be average, a bad comedian tries too hard and tries to be too clever. A good one doesn't give a shit whether the audience laughs or not and doesn't even try too hard, the audience knows this, loves this attitude and they laugh.

Women love confidence, and people secretly envy those who don't care.

Go be a fuckup and see where it takes you.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Becoming Emo - A How To

I was watching the blinking cursor of editing the facebook status, thinking of how to best be clever or be easily understood, and it just hit me that all this, myspace, facebook, match.com, dating profiles, autobiographies, books, people, conversations is just one way or another to tell somebody how we are feeling and understand us.

All this we do, all this attempt to put ourselves out on the internet in thousands of potential eyes and all the power that people try to muster through war or being a great warlord, is just a further attempt to make sure people understand who we are.

It's a great feeling we can all identify with right away, remember when our parents were busy and they ignored us while they were on the phone, and your favorite aunt or uncle comes in and swoops you off your feet and takes you to buy ice cream?

We remember them forever and we consider them the best uncle or aunt not because they brought us ice cream or swoops us off our feet, but because they understood us, they gave us attention and told us it was alright to be ourselves. Then of course, they rewarded us for it.

As we grow older, we form a shield around us as our parents and peers tell us what is wrong and what is right, what is cool and what is uncool. We refrain and become protective of our egos because suddenly the world tells us we cannot be OURSELVES anymore. We have to act how other people act to be accepted. We get older and older and it gets worst, instead of going around and questioning, exploring, playing, we stand in public, staring into space and fearing doing anything that can cause embarassment.

What does this have to do with being emo you ask? I don't think what I am actually talking about has to do with that certain subculture than the exact word "emotion". But since it is prove that it is another pressure in society NOT to be emo and weird, I can pretty much use that term without much problem. This has nothing to do with cutting your wrists, hear me out.

Lets go back to the myspace, why do people try so hard to post sexy pictures and write beautiful poems and keep us updated on our status ever hour?

Think back to that child you were, that playful human being, full of grace. You questioned everything and everybody because you were curious, adults didn't ask you to stop and they would smile because they knew you were a child, you didn't know any better.

I don't think those adults are any more developed or "mature" than the child, in fact I think the opposite. I think the child is closer to being HUMAN as we are ever going to get. We aren't restricted yet, we aren't told whats wrong and we are just experiencing bliss and acceptance. We don't need to lose weight, follow diet plans, get good grades, make a ton of money, marry a beautiful women, the mid life crisis Porsche. We are free, we live on pure, unfiltered 100% emotion, we are happy. We don't need any those things.

What happened that we dropped all these materials, restrictions, and rules in front of us that would limit our happiness so much?

I think I am very fortunate to come that that realization lately during my study of the social arts and psychology (for fun). I am glad i realize that before I grew any older and that shield continues to harden and god forbid think that the Porsche will make me truly any happier.

I didn't get mad when I found out. I actually grew very optimistic, very happy, accepting and forgiving of people and their behavior. I walked down the mall with my buddy Anthony in New Jersey and hopped around the mall as we sang songs, that being one of the greatest moments of development in my life.

I say, go out there. Go tell a person, a fellow friend, a bum on the street that you understand them. You don't have to tell them straight off, you can just listen to them. Listening is a lost art anyways. Go become closer to being human as you ever been by letting go, be a child. Question things, act like a dork. Talk to people about EMOTIONS, relate, compliment.

Fight that shield, that ego, that embarassment in public. I did that for a whole year. I also compliment strangers and cute girls on something that ever catches my eye, they wear that item for a reason you know. They want to be accepted and understood too.. just the same reason they have a myspace.

I am tired and I am going to sleep while my suitemates are playing poker. This is my rant and wisdom to the folks that choose to read and stay with this. I cannot tell you to do anything you don't want, but I hope at least this encouraged you to have a smile on your face or even better, to put a smile on a person's face tomorrow. I hope I can make one more person happier, to become a kid again, fuck that shield.

I hope you smile, I believe in you, you are a beautiful person. And I hope we meet sometime in this life.