Becoming Human

I cried a bit last night. I don't know if I am turning into just a really emotional guy or if I am being effeminate. I have just been linked deeply within my emotions lately ever since I started enjoying the connecting and relating aspect of what Wayne Elise teaches. So the reason I cried, well, lets start off, yes I am a really sensitive guy from the day I was born. Where some people would try all of their might to hold back, I just let it out during the premiere of Titanic or Saving Private Ryan.

Growing up during all these years after I came out of the crib, I realized that society has certain distaste to grown men and little boys who cry. And perhaps they would be seen as weak or overly emotional. I realized last night that I hadn't had a good cry in a long time, and it wasn't really that big of a deal the reason I cried, one of my closest friends (a sweet girl from England that my mother adores really much) took one of the things I said the wrong way and she said that for a person that I look up to, I cannot think that you would feel that way about me.

That bothered me so much, because have you ever been stuck in that position where you didn't do something (perhaps as a child) and then somebody accuses you and you are feeling just so damn guilty about something you didn't do. You don't know how to convince the other person that you're innocent. And things never go back to the exact same way they were before.

I guess I shed a few tears in fear of losing a best friend. Of all the girls I dated, I really didn't mind losing them. I could always date again. Friends are something that I really can't quite bring back. It pains me and really hurts me bad when something I really value is about to change or possibly lost, such are the nature of my friendships with people.

After adopting ASF doctrine about a year ago, I think I just became a really tough guy. And I never feel like it's really me having that image of Alpha that I put up.

There is something that relating emotions and connecting with Wayne's method that has brought something back, something I enjoy really much. I now go on how I feel, and it has made me better with women and especially people overall. I feel more human. And we are emotional creatures.

I cannot hide my insecurities by acting tough, so instead I will be the true alpha and embrace this unique part of my personality. Everybody has insecurities, and everybody brags or tries to hide it, why not embrace it and make it a selling point?

My name is JC, and I like a good cry.