Lost in a crowd of a thousand friends

One of my closest friends called me last night and we had an amazing chat over the phone at midnight. She said I was deaf, and I teased that her thick English accent is what my ignorant American brain can't seem to comprehend. Although perhaps I do have a hearing problem (STOP jerking off so much! maybe thats why, you twat!), that doesn't mean that other people can't hear me. I don't know how tired or drunk I was that day with her on the noisy subway when i said this, but she said that it really hit home for her. We were on the topic of people and relationships, I remember vaguely what I said.

"You know when we are on the subway right now, all these people sitting around us, all these millions of people out there all around you in the city. They all could be our best friends and lovers if we truly got a chance to really know every each of them, but the hard part thats holding us back is to actually connect to them in a way that they let down their barriers or masks for them to reveal their true selves to you. Therefore, everybody on board this train is my best friend, they just don't believe it yet."

Circumstances and social conditioning has limited us from connecting to amazing people, let that not be. Let us be the few diplomats of the world and bring people closer together.

I am glad that somebody admires my perspective of the world. I hope she will be happier for it.

Unfiltered

Everybody is amazing, I believe that. It's not some bullshit I say to get free lunch or I am mr. happymcfuck.

This is one moral standard in all social interactions that more people should adopt.

Never, ever see people through filters.

That bitch is fat, that guy looks retarded, he plays pokemon and he's 32, this girl is a slut, nerd, geek, emo...

They are still people, connect to them, RESPECT them, try LISTENING for once because everybody longs to be heard, It's not like you have to have sex with them later on.

You may not even have to like the girl (or guy), but she (he) can have other cute friends. Win win for everybody, you made a new friend, being social, hooking up.

Those shallow guys who wouldn't talk to anybody but hot girls in bars and talk about bagging girls all the time, they never get laid. Those who brag, they never are respected. Those who never listen, are never heard.

Even sometimes your closest friends can be misleading, one of my closest friends told me this girl is weird, and this whole time I took her words and viewed this girl through a filter. Once I actually got to know her myself, she was an amazing person with alot going for her and is a talented musician.

Recently, I realized that i could have lost the chance to meet alot of friends if I would have caved and actually listen to what people say.

I once read that humans are running 80% autopilot on 80 percent of the time. Be smarter, be a socially intelligent person.

Never let other people's initial judgements of a person become YOUR'S, go find that person and see for yourself first.

Don't blame people, people are human. Human are prone to errors. They make mistakes, they are emotional, they don't know any better.

Be better than that, don't jump on the bandwagon because somebody said so or it's the cool thing to do, don't view people through filters. You are missing out on meeting amazing people and finding potentially a few life long friends.

You have it in you, you are so fucking money. Just like those guys in Swingers.


PS: Girls, guys. Stop playing that hard to get game, be sincere. Try it. You got game.

A Text Marriage

I love text messaging. It is a great way to stay in touch and an even better way to flirt. Dimitri from theApproach always made an emphasis on the power of it. For one, getting a number and calling on the same night is almost always out, but texting is a whole different story. It is a simple and yet very very effective way to show the girl a bit of your personality and staying in touch at the same time.

There is a negative conception that when you call a girl and she doesn't pick up, it is bad. But sitting on the bus, you can always see the cute girls clicking away on their cellphones and sidekicks. There is something naughty and seductive and yet, perfectly innocent when you say that you will pour honey and lick her all over that you can get away through text messaging.

Here is the part I want to quote from Dimitri from his email newsletter on text messaging.

I text every girl in my phone every 3-4 days. The texts are just
fun, show a little of my personality, and fill the girls in on
what's going on in my life. I write the texts for myself, because I
like to - NOT to impress or please her. And I NEVER ask for a
response, or ask a question. I give opportunities to respond
without making her feel bad or like she's going against what I want
by not responding. I sent texts like:

After first meeting a girl:
GOOD: so fun to make new friends :)
GOOD: u are such a sweetheart! thanks for sharing umbrulla
GOOD: ur the cutest thing ever. happy i met u :)
BAD: cool meeting u. what u doing thurs?
BAD: want to hang on fri?

To keep in touch:
GOOD: i just got the most fly pair of jeans ever for $12. i'm pumped
GOOD: so warm out! it's cowboy hat weather
GOOD: my puppy is ridiculous
BAD: whats going on?
BAD: havent talked to u in a while. whats up?
BAD: hey whats new

To invite her to spend time with you:
GOOD: hitting the museum fine art on tues. buzz me if you get in an
artistic mood
GOOD: if u have a lot of energy after work, we're salsaing and u'd
fit right in.
GOOD: u totally have to meet my friend maria. u two are like
sisters seperated at birth
BAD: want to come to museum on tues?
BAD: we're going salsa dancing tonight, want to come?

After spending time with her:
GOOD: had so much fun. *hugs*
GOOD: i'm safe, warm, & happy. mmm sleep tight darlin
GOOD: u are way too nice :) i had so much fun
BAD: did u have fun?
BAD: are you home yet?

Leave those questions alone! Ask questions only after you get into
a texting "back and forth" conversation, and even then, only
sparingly. But DO text - My rule is I do not call a girl until she
has returned at least one text. It saves a lot of time too. Learn
to love it, fellas.



I had my own little fun today, I texted a few girls and two of them replied. Coming home and reading a new post on Mybirthdaypony's blog about conversation as an art and visualizing every interaction as a work of art made me realize that every good interaction I ever had, I had never planned ahead. When I texted this girl, I didn't know what to expect, but I was honest and took a few risks (Wayne Elise emphasized that for an interaction to go into a romantic realm, RISKs have to be taken and ideally should feel like the temporary swallowing of your heart when you are falling backwards with a friend to catch you, more about that in a future post).

Also, roleplaying is so fucking money and powerful weapon you can use to inject a bit of fun into your text messages. A textbook example in my sample interaction below.

I haven't spoken to this girl in a long time despite a few text messages and bumping into her a few times on campus, I feel like I just resparked it. I can't wait to see what happens, here it is happening today, unedited except for names. For your educational purposes.

JC: Knock Knock =)
Annabelle: Whos there?
JC: A little boy from BC
Annabelle: Whats up little boy? ; )
JC: I need somebody to keep me warm
Annabelle: Me too. It's way cold since yesterday. Im sitting at home where heater is barely working. It sucks ; [
JC: I like warm sake :)
Annabelle: i wish i had sake at home.. : p
JC: Lets go start a sake company, we'll be famous. Just you and me :)
Annabelle: lol thats a great idea
JC: But we have to name it the jc sake company :p
Annabelle: Where's my name?! Hey! lol
JC: The jc annabelle company sounds like were married, so we are married now :)
Annabelle: Wow, this is an arranged marriage! lol
JC: So romantic too, i like Hawaii for our honeymoon what do you think?
Annabelle: Bali sounds good what do u think
JC: Tell me what Bali is like
Annabelle: It's a southern island with beautiful nature and eccentric architectures
JC: Sounds like a dream, i love you :p
Annabelle: I love u more : p
JC: Wear something sexy for me tonight ;)
Annabelle: I will ; @
JC: :) i want to see u before i transfer in the spring
Annabelle: Sure: ) Lets go out*
JC: :) we will, i just got home ill talk to you later nite!
Annabelle: Later*

I have no idea what will happen, I didn't expect anything and didn't care about this girl even that much. So I just texted away with nothing to lose (it's alot easier taking risks over SMS I think) and took a few risks. If conversation is a canvas waiting for you to fill with art, then roleplaying will be one of those super expensive paints for your arsenal.

So you use this paint to make something beautiful. Take her to places with the both of you, pretend that you are married and are about to have a honeymoon and lots of wild sex. Or even pretend to be the big bad wolf going after a sexy little red riding hood. Put her into your world where no guy has bravely brought her before. Your seductive imagination is your limit. You got this, you don't even know it.

Now lets see where the paintbrush takes us. Amen.

Letting Go Of Ego and Having a Blast

"It feels like work, I feel so unnatural!"

I read a social dynamics and community related blog earlier where it compared the advancement of social skills like training yourself in boxing. I also read this other post on the official Charisma Arts forum where a guy said you must make 1000 approaches before you get anywhere. Then you have the official ASF doctrine (sounds like the cold war now that I used this word so many times) where they tell you to get into the "field" to practice “missions” approaching as many "sets" and getting "# and K closes" as possible. Jeez, I would think that this is even harder than boxing because I don't know how many boxers actually had 1000 matches in the ring.

I have had always an "always on" pressure during my time with the community. I wanted to get really good and really fast so I tried to put as much cram into my social skills as possible. It was actually a nightmare for me during the past year, perhaps it stemmed from my impatience. I would try to be just overly friendly as much as possible and talk to any strangers on the street or on the bus as MUCH as I can (there is nothing wrong with that, but let me explain), and overtime, I felt these FORCED interactions just felt so stressful. I merely did it to get advancement in my social skills, and I did it as another notch on my ego rather than actually talking with them and being the social creature that we are designed.

On days where I was a bit antisocial and didn't approach at all, it would really hurt my ego. And then I would question myself, Why am I such a big pussy? Why can't I talk to the girl on the train with her ipod earphones on stuffed next to other passengers like sardines? I would start pulling things out of my ass to approach people, things I didn't really care about, because I wanted that FEELING of accomplishing something and making progress.

My interactions with people became work, totally unnatural, and I could feel it, as so can they. With the biggest sticking point I had, I wasn't having ANY fun in my interactions with people.

Something I realized last week came to be the biggest breakthrough in my game; I started to have FUN in my approaches. No more half assed approaches talking about things I didn't care about and ultimately to get smooth enough for that pretty girl with the hazel eyes and Venezuelan accent in the corner. I now actually approach LESS, but my interactions are more rewarding. If I don’t find something interesting or I really don’t care, I won’t approach, simple as that.
This is strange, but I have developed an eye for detail, and I notice little things that I find GENUINELY interested in that I can open people and have a great conversation on.

I learned how to tie a scarf (and taught HER 3 different ways as well), had a chat with many people about accessories and relating to being sardined inside the 7th Local train. I began to have FUN and truly enjoy my interactions with people, and the results were surprising. I no longer feel impatient or that my ego is on the line, because I know that now I can approach anytime and I would have a fun chat or perhaps a phone number and it would go really well. The people I interact with also seemed to appreciate it; I noticed that their response is a lot warmer the less I had an agenda.

Having organic and genuinely interesting interactions is a key factor in your game, if it feels like work, you need to adjust your focus and try again. You know, I think Johnny or Wayne on the Charisma Podcasts also said, they would make one or two approaches a night and just have so much fun hooking people up and having a few laughs. If you were making 1000 that night, you aren't learning anything anyways because you probably are pissing all those people off (and getting to your car may be a problem).

I no longer make an approach if I don't feel like it’s going to be fun, it may seem like a far stretch for a guy with 40-50 approaches to say that, but hey do what you like man. I think I wouldn't be too happy if the reason that you were talking to me was because you were doing a "mission", you're not Ethan Hunt tough guy. Lay off that mentality. Don't think in terms of what the rest of the community does, do it at your own pace.

Patience and fun is Zen. Don’t be a social robot.

Becoming Human

I cried a bit last night. I don't know if I am turning into just a really emotional guy or if I am being effeminate. I have just been linked deeply within my emotions lately ever since I started enjoying the connecting and relating aspect of what Wayne Elise teaches. So the reason I cried, well, lets start off, yes I am a really sensitive guy from the day I was born. Where some people would try all of their might to hold back, I just let it out during the premiere of Titanic or Saving Private Ryan.

Growing up during all these years after I came out of the crib, I realized that society has certain distaste to grown men and little boys who cry. And perhaps they would be seen as weak or overly emotional. I realized last night that I hadn't had a good cry in a long time, and it wasn't really that big of a deal the reason I cried, one of my closest friends (a sweet girl from England that my mother adores really much) took one of the things I said the wrong way and she said that for a person that I look up to, I cannot think that you would feel that way about me.

That bothered me so much, because have you ever been stuck in that position where you didn't do something (perhaps as a child) and then somebody accuses you and you are feeling just so damn guilty about something you didn't do. You don't know how to convince the other person that you're innocent. And things never go back to the exact same way they were before.

I guess I shed a few tears in fear of losing a best friend. Of all the girls I dated, I really didn't mind losing them. I could always date again. Friends are something that I really can't quite bring back. It pains me and really hurts me bad when something I really value is about to change or possibly lost, such are the nature of my friendships with people.

After adopting ASF doctrine about a year ago, I think I just became a really tough guy. And I never feel like it's really me having that image of Alpha that I put up.

There is something that relating emotions and connecting with Wayne's method that has brought something back, something I enjoy really much. I now go on how I feel, and it has made me better with women and especially people overall. I feel more human. And we are emotional creatures.

I cannot hide my insecurities by acting tough, so instead I will be the true alpha and embrace this unique part of my personality. Everybody has insecurities, and everybody brags or tries to hide it, why not embrace it and make it a selling point?

My name is JC, and I like a good cry.

Assume The Other Person Has Value

We'll all like to be treated like royalty. Just imagine it, (not the part about the servants feeding you grapes and fanning you with a big banana leaf part) people all over the land will give a certain kind of respect to you. They would expect the king to be of a certain status and ask you questions from a position of assumption like, "How was the dealings at the court?" or "Have you flogged the heretic who stole my clown shoes?” That may be just shitty examples, but when you are dealing with a king. You expect him to be of a certain value.

As I was reading through Wayne's e-book, mybirthdaypony, and Social Hitchhiker's blogs. I noticed that they all share a similar writing style. They all have a tendency to speak to you in a way that assumes you know a bit about social skills, they make you feel already like a PUA. They expect you to be an intelligent and hardworking individual who is open to new ideas, but they would never teach you what exact words to say to a woman or the ABC's.

Reading Mystery's handbook a while back, and also reading a lot of community related blogs, I noticed that they have this very harsh writing style. I feel like I am being told WHAT to do and how the way they do it is better than mine, either that or they just post all these bad LRs with full of ego and no actual information I could use from it. They are talking down to you in a sense, like the way a bad friend tells you that his way of doing things is better.

I noticed a lot of the community is wrapped up in this sense, but I'll do a separate post on my thoughts on the community later on.

In comparing Wayne and Mystery's books, and also with meeting and working with Wayne, Wayne has a way of making you feel like you are already pretty damn good with woman (even if you weren’t, like I was when I first read Wayne's e-book). And he shares his experiences in his e-book, and it is ultimately left to the READER to decide if he wants to relate to it and to use his ideas.

One of the things I got on that November weekend is assumption, so you assume that the person you are talking to already has a bit of value. That's why you ask open ended questions and assume they are reading philosophy because you expect them to be of that caliber. You can get really far if you can make the person are talking to feel that you are connecting and relating on a same level.

Everybody is amazing, so that’s when you come in and expect them to be. If I don't have a good opener, I will assume. If a group of girls is on the train and they are wearing really hip clothes, I would say "So, how was clubbing?” And it doesn’t really matter if they did or not, it assumes that you expect them to be cool, and they assume that you are cool because you are confident enough to assume.

See how it works both ways?

The Few Words That Sparked The Revolution

So I worked with Wayne Elise of Charisma Arts over the weekend (Nov 11-12), I enjoyed the event a lot, and even went out the first night to really posh and upscale penthouse bar in downtown NYC. One of the biggest things that have plagued me since I started working with my social skills is the social anxiety that comes with it. It is the same exact feeling I get when I am about to go on stage to play my violin back in high school or when I am about to give a presentation in front of hundreds of people.

We all know it, it grips the heart and it overwhelms your senses. I bite on my tongue and just wish that I am at home, sound asleep in my warm bed under the thick covers snowing outside. It is a common emotion that we all can connect with, and people would try in anyway to avoid it. I actually avoided going out on purpose (and still do the same now, but for different reasons) to meet people and practice socialization and meeting pretty girls.

It is probably the biggest INNER game issue that we face, and I say inner because no amount of practice or thousands of approaches that those egotistic community guys say is required can fix being nervous in approaching women. All the approaches in the world won't fix your approach anxiety problem if you don't really understand the source of it.

Working with theBirthdayPony (whom’s blog is on my links), and Juggler himself, I was able to figure it out.

The ULTIMATE source of approach anxiety is that you are seeking a GOOD reaction.

If you don't get this good reaction from somebody, you feel really bad about it and wondered in the first place why you approached anyway. The problem is that you are seeking their APPROVAL through the approach and very unfortunately, people will always be people. People are human, and humans have emotions and different moods.

You CANNOT be selfish and expect everybody to give you a smile or even a phone number just to make you happy. Everybody is different, at different times of the day, their emotions change, and one moment they could have dropped their Wrigley's on the floor, or in another moment they just found out that their grandson has been hospitalized for sniffing glue. Which I still haven't taken account the near infinite combinations of all the different types of personalities and people out there, a happy guy could be having a bad day, and a mailman could be feeling euphoric at the same moment.

I worked with Wayne Elise during the seminar exercise. Where he was the hot girl and I was the guy trying to seduce him. I think it went something like this, first try:

JC: You look like a friendly, I'm JC.
Wayne: Well, I'm not.
JC: ...um...

That didn't go well. Then the magical words. He told me that I was seeking a GOOD reaction from that person, and I should seek the WORST possible reaction ever when I approach.

You don't need to pay Juggler hundreds of dollars to work with you; you can do this yourself with a little focus change. That little synapse in your brain moving a few nanometers is a big savings from moving cash from your wallet.

So the point that I got from this, is that one should NEVER approach to get approval or an ego boost from a good reaction. Because the reality is, people just AREN'T that friendly at first, you have to open up to them. And you have to think about it from their perspective.
If a well dressed and really confident guy walked up to me, and my housecat just died, would I be acting as if you were Brad Pitt?

You would then use Question, Statement, Question, Statement. And NEVER ask two questions in a roll, and as you are making those statements and relating to her (initially) WEAK answers, be sure you are talking from the "I" perspective to let the other person warm up to you easily. THAT is how you get a good reaction, it's foolproof. That is how most people would react, you will get a good reaction when they warm up to you and discover how warm and friendly you are. THAT IS THE WAY YOU SHOULD APPROACH from now on.

I didn't need 1000 approaches to get to this; I didn't need to bungee jump with a rat in my butt. I only have done about 40-50 cold approaches to pretty girls in the past year, but I feel no fear when I approaching strangers anymore. I instead try to make them happy, that is the ONLY focus I’ll have when i am approaching.

I do not need their good reaction to be happy, because I know that when they open up to me, they will enjoy our conversation and share emotions.

Approaching is fun. I learned how to tie my scarf in 3 different ways on the train with this lady and I can approach girls without hesitation. I still get Anxiety, but it is a FUN anxiety, and it feels more like excitement... like before you go on a roller coaster (but less intense, more rewarding). I welcome the feelings i get inside my body, because in the end, I am human and I have emotions. Don't fight it, don't beat yourself up because you are feeling nervous. You don't need to approach thousands to get use to it either, just change your beliefs. Expect the worst, experience the best.

More to come on my thoughts of the community and a foolproof way to influence people to your ideas and making people love you. Stay tuned.

JC

Introductions

Welcome to my blog, I am throughly terrible at giving introductions so I'll keep this short and talk a little about the contents and of course, my name.

I worked with my socialness during all of last year, probably started the little spark when I was graduating from High School on June of 2005. I read an ebook that my good writer friend from Trowbridge all the way in England sent me called The Weapons of Mass Seduction. So after reading that book and feeling like a train hit me when it came to the way I view the world and especially woman, I actually tapped the shoulder of my lifelong crush (we went to elementary, middle, and high school together) and whispered the first words ever to her ears. I couldn't believe the moment, and how I did it, but I told her "How come we never talked to each other during all these years?".

She looked at me in the eye, and we shared a moment. Breathless and frozen in time, our hearts interwined, I was being the man, and she was the girl.

Since then, I realized what my life was missing and I dedicated my life to practicing my social skills and meeting cool cats. I read Neil Strauss's The Game, and took a dating workshop back in January 2006, and worked with Charisma Arts with Wayne Elise just in november.

Wayne said a few words to me, a few words that sparked the revolution. He was the bitchy girl and I had to seduce him.

That is the meat of the next post, and a few thoughts on the community and it's people as well. I hope you guys will have a bit of fun reading it and perhaps even learn a few things from it.