Tuesday, February 05, 2008

What an insane situation is like

It's not a disbelief. You don't just cry, you do that later on in unsuspecting times. Crying is for the movies, when you are in truly deep shit, you don't cry, you sit there a lot hoping to cry. Hoping to let it all out.

The mind is an amazing machine, I feel the calmest as I have been ever in my life. I am fearless at what seems to be petty things facing an already near impossible situation I am in. Women, success, fuck it. Those things are easy compared to this, and your escape is reaching for success. Because now, your water truck of chance has suddenly became a half empty bottle of water, and you don't have much room for error. You stop fucking around, you take responsibility.

I feel motivated more so than ever before in my life to do work. I work as a photo editor at my campus newspaper, and I have never been so happy to work in my life.

I try to avoid sitting in my room alone too much, then I think of what's happening at home and the historical court date that will ultimately decide my family's fate.

I will be here, you think to yourself. You are the strongest you have ever been in your entire life, your mind has helped you cope. You have your inspirations, and you think of petty situations where people have cried MUCH, much longer.

You surprise yourself for being so calm. You live day by day, and you worry about your loved ones more than anything. It isn't a movie thing, their lives are of monumental importance. You live now to see them live happily, in all your possible power, because you realize how very fragile things are.

Here I am, I forge day by day. I know the worst is yet to come, but I do not fear it as much as I thought I would. This is your mind going into survival mode.

I think I have reached adulthood. Not quite the most pleasant way possible, but I did.

This is my insane situation.

Cheers,
JC

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